I have a 14 year old step-daughter, 1 stepson, another stepdaughter, 1 daughter, 3 sons, and my wife is pregnant with another son. I love my wife very much. We were high school sweethearts. Life happens and after our joint divorces she looked me up. I had been divorced for a few years and she for only a couple of months. I worried that I was merely a rebound relationship for her, so, we lived together for over a year before we got married. I tried to give her and her children time to adjust to the situation. I even sent my children to live with their mother for a year to provide more time to for the stepkids to grieve. My ex is good with the kids just bad with me. I have had my kids back now for 7 months. In the months that my kids have been back there have been problems starting from about a week before they arrived.
I bought a new computer so there would be more to go around. I told wife not to open it, I wanted to wait to open it until my kids arrived. There were 2 other comps. in the house already and wife and I each have a laptop. I wanted my kids to feel like they had something there, trying to make them feel like it was their home too. The 14 year old flipped, I was in trouble for "alienating" her kids in their home. After my kids arrived my middle son yelled back at the teen she had shouted some insult at him and he yelled back with a "shut up". I was in deep trouble this time because my child had gotten agressive with hers, I saw it as self defense and refused to intervene. A week or two later the teen threw a cup at my youngest, 6, and I was again apologizing for making her child feel bad, yes I was angry, no I did not even raise my voice. We found out wife was pregnant and as soon as we shared it with the kids teen tells me "I will do a good job being a parent to this baby", I told her no only her mother and I were the parents, but, she could be a great big sister. Teen looked at me and said "no, I am going to raise him and you can be a good, whatever." Since, she has screamed at and been violent with all the other kids for the smallest infraction, especially being to light with the chores. However, she does chores only when she feels like it, typical teen I know, then when the other kids yell back I'm in trouble for the other kids behavior. I have asked wife, repeatedly, to talk to teen about privacy issues. I need a space to go that is off-limits to cool down or just have some personal space. The only space available is our bedroom. I keep being told that teen does so much around the house we have to cut her some slack. I can't get any time to talk to family, friends, or anyone without teen hearing and then my having to answer for those private conversations,(by answer for I mean being hounded for for answers to question like what did you mean when you said "we're dealing with it" to your father?) As I have written this I have had to hide it from my wife and continually bring up another window to hide it from teen. I really need to vent though, I never have, to anyone, about teen. Teen will threaten to kill herself if she does not get her way and wife falls for it every time. I am having to send my children back to their mother now, 6 months early, I feel it is in a large way to apease the teen. I am doing it because I have been unable to be a father to them since they have been here. I have been afraid to do anything, or, be myself with my children for fear that it would anger the teen and thereby cause a fight with wife, resulting in another divorce and my not being able to be there for the baby to be. I am now afraid that it will not matter I will never be able to be a father. At least I can watch him grow and try to be here to protect him from teen, he'll need someone to do it and wife won't for sure, teen is violent with her own little brother and sister and she does nothing. There was a huge fight last night between teen and wife and I got to see that really there is nothing she can do, teen's father is a homeless addict, no option there. I don't really know what I even want wife to do, I don't want to cause a problem. The issues are causing problems with everyone else though and everytime I try to talk about it I get told wife is tired of defending teen to everyone, including her own family. I do like teen she can be a fun kid, I can't however live like this. I used to tell wife everything, she was my best friend, I don't feel as though I can talk to wife about anything anymore except sports and weather, nothing real, for fear of judgement by teen. What can I do?