Yep, a swift pop to the ass cheeks should knock her out of this crap in a hurry.

If you are talking to her and she does not answer, pop her on the ass. She will either talk or cry. When she stops crying ask again. If she does not talk, pop. Lather, rinse, repeat.

If after three or four rounds she does not engage, stand her with her nose in the corner until she behaves as she knows she should. If she is crying for no reason, put her in a different room and close the door until she stops. Then she can rejoin the rest of the family.

Parents need to learn the phrase "If you are going to cry then come here and I will give you something to cry about". A tired toddler will cry sometimes which is to be expected but a 4yo who losses it after being told "no" when they are being whinny brats should be given a reason to cry if they don't knock that shit off in a hurry.

I have friends with kids that run amok, misbehave and cry and whine incessantly. When they are around me they knock that shit off because I will not tolerate it even from kids that are not mine. Even if I am in their home I will tell the kid to go to another room if they are going to misbehave. Most of these kids will find mom or dad, attach to their leg and pop their thumb in their mouth and stay the hell away from me for the rest of the night until of course they see me playing on the floor with their well behaved sibs. Then they will come play but only as long as they behave.

We have one set of friends who's kid will go to tears and sit and be silent every time he sees me because when he was about 5 he ran up to me and punched me in the nuts. My instant reaction was to backhand him across the room. Now he will absolutely not misbehave when I am around. I did not smack him consciously, it was instinctive reaction.

Some of these friends will call to see if we want to go to dinner occasionally or we will call them. I am expecting to see the kid(s) at dinner but most of them don't bring their kids to dinner with us because they know that I won't tolerate ill-behaved children.

My closest friend is one of these parents. I have never said a thing to him about his kid but he no longer brings her when we get together. I think this stems from an incident last summer when he and I and his 3yo old daughter spent the day together. We went for a late lunch and his daugther absolutely went ballistic, throwing food, etc... He had to go to the rest room but could not because if he moved she cranked right back up again. I said "give her to me" stood up with her, told him to go the bathroom then I went outside with her. She was freaking out. Hitting, me, kicking me, throwing her toys, etc.... When she threw her toys I left them on the ground. When I got sick of getting my ass kicked by a 3yo I sat down and put her legs between my knees and held her with her arms by her side. When her dad came out of the restroom I told her to grab her toys and took her inside. Inside the door I put her down expecting her to go to her dad. She sat in the middle of the floor and screamed. I just stepped over her and went back to my meal and told my friend "you better take her to the car I will be out when I am finished".

Since then, no kid when we get together.

When my son was that young and if he freaked I took him to the car, put him in his car seat and closed the car. I waited until he worked it out then I would open the car. He would look at me and say "I'm done daddy" and we would go back in to the restaurant. I did not expose other people to my kid when he was freaking.

Fortunately my kid was extremely mellow and did not freak more than a half a dozen times when he was in the 2-5 age range. But when he freaked, he knew there would be consequences.

Video tape the kid so your fiance will see the truth