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the bad guy

nomax's picture

Submitted by nomax on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:26pm

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im sorry about the bad spelling and if its a little jumpy
havnt writen anything since highschool

ive been with my girlfriend for 3 years
i started the relation knowing she had a daughter and not really knowing what i was getting into.it was hard at first with her daughter warming up to me.she was mean and didnt like me but after a while we became close(she was 3).jump ahead a year and a half my girlfrind gets pregnet(forgets her pill....thats another story)and we move to the other side of the country where my family is.ill get to the point
my girl has a very bad temper problem and is very abusive with her words.if it wasnt for her getting pregnet i would have been long gone.the last year(since our daughter has been born)everytime i try and say somthing to her daughter she is all over me.expample if i say go clean your room...my girlfriend will say its not her fault and get mad at me for telling her to do it and rate in front of her daughter she will yell at me for it.if she does anything wrong and i call her on it im the bad guy.im really nice about it.but her mother screams and yells over the slightest thing..but im the bad guy.
i now am getting to the point where im starting to hate the kid i dont even want to be in the same room as her(step daughter).the smallest thing frustrate's me.its not like shes a bad kid i know its me .i know im the adult.i feel like im a terrable person for feeling like this
i try and talk to my girlfriend about it but she doesnt seem to understand.i want this chilid to grow up in a loving home.i feel like i should leave cause i cant provide it to her.she sees how i am with my new daugeter and how i use to be with her and im sure it hurts her.i wish i knew how to change this.i always feel like the bad guy from my girlfriend and from myself i hear it.
im a roofer i work with alot of guys that arent very understandin and i hate admiting it but i dont have to guts to say shes my stepdaughter...i say she's mine.i dont want people to know shes not mine.i find it emmbarrissing and people look down on that stuff.her dad calls her somtimes but lives on the other end of canada and only sees her once a year(hes crazy).she doesnt call me dad(i kinda wish she did) and i dont take her out of the house in case i see somone i know and she calls me by my real name in front of them.i dont invite anyone to my house for that reason to.i feel like im being squished.i feel like im such a horrible person and i should just walk away but i feel to bad doing it.anyone have any advice?

Missing_Me's picture

Submitted by Missing_Me on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:20pm

Sounds like maybe you and your gf should be co parenting the child that you have together. You being yelled at isn't fair but it sounds like maybe your gf is defensive because you treat her daughter so different. I could NOT be with man that would not go some place with us as a family for fear of what other people think when they find out she is not really your daughter. I am not a huge fan of parents separating, but it sounds to me like the two of you should just call it quits now.
Good luck

nomax's picture

Submitted by nomax on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 9:09pm

you prolly right
im trying rally hard
just cant get past my insecurites
we started couples counselings im hopeing its going to help
i agree with you we should call it quits but maybe if we work on these issues we might be able to pull through
im njot sure how helpful counseling is im afraid to go....i hope its worth it

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 10:06pm

Your gf is bullying you, can you see it? When you stand up to a bully....they tend to diffuse. Pick certain battles, nothing trivial.

Get confidence. GF wants a man she can respect. Manufacture confidence in your mind. How you do this? You believe what you believe relentlessy and refuse to back down. You don't have to be right....

Anyway, by introducing your new confidence, you will shock miss gfs pants off. By letting her get away with disrespecting you, you show her that she is right in not respecting you.

Do you know what I heard is the number one need of a man? RESPECT.

You have to stop worrying what the guys at work think. Who the f*ck cares?? You work frikin hard and you don't answer to anyone. Take that little girl and go to the store, act like her daddy, have the good relationship you started.. Tell gf to stop belittling you in front of the children and also, when you take your stand, REFUSE TO ARGUE. She will try to rag you to dead. Take your stand and say ENOUGH.

You can be the man of her dreams, but you aren't going to do it if you are acting like a mouse. One of the things I like about DH is that he can see through my BS and loves me anyway/and likewise. Your self confidence doesn't depend on what gf thinks of you, it is based on what you think of you.

Now go out there and tell her how the cow ate the cabbage! If she argues, don't get mad. Grin and hold your position. You are retraining her...so it may take a little while, but she'll change her tune. You have a lot to offer and you provide for your little family.