"Golden Child Syndrome"
I think I just made that word up but anyway..on with my question. Are any of you in a situation where have you're own kidlets and your SO has his own but HIS family seems to think that they're own grandchildren can do no wrong so you're own get blamed for everything and shoved to the side? This is what I'm going through right now. My BF has stuck up for me and my daughter the WHOLE way, and he's very close to telling his mom off.She is always overriding his parenting skills, we've both been going to parenting classes to learn how to have the same parenting strategy but his parents won't let him do his job! They think they can do whatever they want and his 4 year old knows this! He knows that when grandma and Grandpa are around he doesn't have to listen to dad..but dad is changing this and the grandparents don't like it...they treat my child like an outcast and I WILL not tolerate anyone treating my child like she's nothing... I don't know how to even BEGIN to handle something like this....any suggestions?
Oh, Lord, I've just spent
Oh, Lord, I've just spent most of the past year involved in a long distance knock-down-drag-out with MY parents over this very issue. It got to the point where I refused to speak to either of them. They finally realized that if they want to see their grandchildren, then they have to leave the parenting to US. Once they finally apologized and agreed to back off, I let them come visit and we had a really nice time together. It was MUCH better. You know that "tough love" stuff we're supposed to practice on our children? Sometimes we have to practice it on our parents, too.
Your SO just needs to stick to his guns. He needs to make sure they know where the boundary lines are, then be prepared to zap them if they cross one.
~ Anne ~
"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there." ...Anonymous
Oh my...
Yeah, I think you have to buckle down on the parents too. LOL. It's time that your SO takes the reins back from his parents, and remind his parents that after all... he's an adult now with his OWN children.
In fact, I'd separate the parents for awhile and make certain that they understand that the line has been drawn, and if they cross that line, that's it. They need to realize that they are not in control anymore... I mean, what's up with this total control of everything these days? We've got BM's needing control over the kids, got parents stepping over boundaries so that they have control...
Hang in there, I'd have SO buckle down on his mother, than you all stick to your guns about it.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
update...
fiancee tried to talk to his parents last night about this whole fiasco and his mom TRIES to put a guild trip on him. He made it though, they're not happy and are blaming me, which I knew would happen. I'm just glad he finally "grew a sack" LOL...thanks girls
He did take your advice!!
I read your blog..
Um, its not your fault that they are over bearing, that is theres. Its your fault that you and he are taking the inniative to be better parents to both children, so if they are angry let them be its for a great reason. However, my SIL has two grown children who came into my hubby's family when they were 8 and 11 or something. My MIL is not one to take to "outsiders" brought into the family, except for my two. How did that happen? Well we were talking one day and she made a comment and I told her I would not tolerate it at all. Ever since she is very good to my kids because I told her point blank you will not punish my kid for my mistake which actually wasn't a mistake because I got them. And I said I treat your son and his kids well so there fore you will not treat mine badly. Be straight forward and blunt and if they choose to continue to be asses then don't let them see either kids. They have to except the whole package. And as far as them acting as though they brought this 4 yr old in I think if I were hubby I would just let it rip, be respectful but once and for all tell them the way its going to be and if they don't like it to bad.
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
thank you...
i know it's not my fault, I'm trying to better my fiancee as a parent. To be honest he and the BM were both lazy as parents.(BM still is!!) When I first came into the relationhip his son was a spoiled cry baby...it's getting better though! Fiancee decided that it's best that his son and grandparents need some space from each other for now. Until they can respect his new parenting style. They act like we're neglecting him or something...when we're actually going by a class and a book(It's called Love and Logic and it's an awesome book!) His mom is just way overbearing and I think he feels guilty cause his mom has cancer and he doesn't want to upset her. I feel bad too but sheesh, enough is enough.