We have had custody of SD15 for 2 1/2 years now. She has made tremendous progress since we've gotten her. She has lost 80 pounds and gotten caught up to her grade level in school. She actually now maintains an A average in her honors classes. She is doing well. We have been taking SD15 to see a psychiatrist for the past 1 1/2 years. It has been a huge help. SD15 recently got back from visiting BM for the Christmas break. Just like every other time she visits her mom, SD15 comes back and is terrible to deal with. She becomes defiant and rude. She steals and even becomes violent around her sister. It usually takes a month or so to undo what BM does. We're used to that. This time it is worse. We are strict about maintaining contact with us (always letting us know where she is) and being home on time. SD15 knows that for every 5 minutes she is late after her curfew her phone is taken away for a day. She was 15 minutes late getting home, so we took her phone away for 3 days. That set her off. She began calling her dad an f-ing bast**d and yelling at me. I didn't let the situation get any worse; I took my 2 year old daughter for a walk to the park in order to allow things to cool off. BD called me on my walk and told me to come home. I did. He was in the bathroom with SD15 who was curled up on the floor screaming at BD. He was trying to get her arm out of the sweatshirt. He caught her cutting herself with a razor all over her arm. She ran to the bathroom and locked herself in there. We got in there, looked at her arm, none of the cuts were life threatening. After 20 minutes and three phone calls to her psychiatrist we made the decision to have SD15 committed. While SD15 was on the floor she was saying that she was upset for her mom’s safety (BM) because her SDad was violent. She also said that she was being bullied at school. I made the four hour drive to the nearest place that has a juvenile psychiatric facility because SD15 didn't want to go in an ambulance. It took the entire night to get the paperwork done and in to her room. She didn't want BD there, so I took her myself. Once there I was informed that we needed to be present for a family counseling session. I had to turn around, make the four hour drive back home, pick up husband (BD) and my daughter and make the four hour drive back to the hospital. I had now had no sleep in over 30 hours. Once in the counseling session we learned that BD15 was lying about her mom being in danger and about being bullied at school. She was upset that her boyfriend dumped her MONTHS AGO (she has been seeing her psychiatrist for that issue) and that we took her phone away. While up at the hospital they gave me her articles of clothing she couldn't have, no underwire bras, no belts, and no jewelry, nothing with a drawstring. I had to go get her some sports bras. While battling the horrible rush hour traffic by her hospital to get to the store to buy her new things, I have her calling me every five minutes demanding that I hurry up. I got the things she needed and returned to the hospital. During the last few minutes of our visiting time she told us that "these kids in her are f**king CRAZY and messed up." At that point I had lost it. I told her "What the hell do you expect, you have been committed to a psychiatric ward, you aren't exactly normal yourself." As we were walking out, the psychiatrist on staff pulled BD and myself aside and told us that SD15's psychiatrist here at home has knows about the cutting for over a year and neglected to mention it to us. I was livid.

The four hour car drive home BD was constantly on the phone with BM who is insisting that SD15 move home and away from our dangerous situation. BD LOST it on BM and reminded her that she was the one who had Child Protective Services called on her multiple times, she was the one who was married to a guy that was convicted of two felony counts of domestic battery with child, she was the one who was in trouble with the police for stealing things from her own mother and attempting to pawn them and the list of things went on and on. BM shut up. Mind you, BD and I don't even have so much as a parking ticket. He works full time and I am a stay at home mom for both kids. After BD got BM to go away he was left dealing with the hospital. I had to drive the four hour drive home on no sleep. During the brief times between the phone calls BD and I came to the conclusion that SD15 can move home if she wishes, but that the door will shut behind her and she is not welcome back. She is done putting our family through her chaos. We have done all we can do for her, given her more opportunities then she would have ever had with BM and actually set her up with the possibility for a good future. But now SD15 wants to go back to live with BM and we are done with everything. Oh and by the way, her cell phone has been permanently disconnected.

My question now is, are justified in saying enough is enough? Does anyone else know of anything more we could have done? Am I missing anything that could have prevented this, or that can help with our situation?