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Did I Do the Right Thing?

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I previously wrote about ss getting interviewed for a local newspaper today. Well, after the reporter was finished asking him some questions she wanted to talk to me. She asked me my name and Dh's name and if we all had the same last name. I said yes but......

I told her that I was the stepmom just so she didn't assume I was the mom. I could just picture having ss's picture in the paper and underneath the caption would read son of and then my name and Dh's name. Then I pictured Bm reading that and, well, you know the rest.

I told Dh what I had told the reporter and he got mad at me! He said that I focus on that too much. I figured that I was just telling the truth and that no one(Bm) could ever say that I tried to let everyone think that I was THE MOTHER.

So should I have just let the reporter assume?

Dawn

Comments

evilsm's picture

I can only imagine what BM would have said if she saw SS's picture with a caption with you as mom. May have even been bad for SS, she could blame him for the error or not correcting the reporter. I think you did the right thing.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

texaswonder028's picture

I am like you, I would have told the reporter the same thing. SS is 10 months old and when were are out and about, people are always saying how precious SS is. I tell them thank you, but he is not mine. They always say "really?" with a weird look on their face(like I kidnaped him)I hate explaining my Jerry Springer story to everyone, but if he were mine and BS went to his step mom's house I would be pissed if she claimed my son as her's. So out of respect I do the same for her. You never know who knows her or how it might get back to her. So to have little conflict, I try to look at all situations with both perspectives(how will this affect BM.)My mother and boyfriend tell me I think too much about BM and her feelings. Like it or not she will always be apart of our relationship and the sooner I accept it the easier it will be on all of us. We have not had any conflict in 4 months. So I guess it is working so far.
Good Luck! Tell your husband it is in their best interest to minimize confrontation.
Kim

Chocoholic's picture

I would have let the reporter make her assumptions, its not like you're parading around town misrepresenting yourself... If you continue to worry about whether or not bm's going to be offended you are going to drive yourself insane!! If your bm is anything like ours (and most on this site), she is already offended by the mere fact that you were born and have the odacity to breathe!
Additionally, I am a stepmom and a biomom.... my daughter is the product of my first marriage and her dad's girlfriend loves my daughter, treats her with respect, and is just an all around great person.... I consider her my daughter's mom as well.... she cares for my daughter 1/2 the time, she is there to feed my daughter, bathe my daughter, kiss away her tears... all the things that a mom does. If you are anything like this.... you are your ss's mom. I don't understand the bm's that don't get this.... the more people that are around to care for and love your child the better!
On the flip side, my son's step mom is insane... the bashes on me to my son and does not treat my son with respect. I do not consider this woman a mother to my son at all.... my son is getting older and growing resentful... I have never talked down this woman or sunk down to her level... she is ruining her relationships all by herself.
If this were true of you (which I know its not) then I would say that you should not act like his mom.... but when you are a genuine person, people just assume that you are the parent and I would let em!

Little Jo's picture

You did the correct thing. I think it was thoughtful of you.
I would have done the same.

Jo

"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin

MrsDoom's picture

Here, here, Litte Jo. If your HDs' ex is like ours, you almost HAVE to think ahead like that. I think it was thoughtful and smart. Good move! Smile

Chocoholic's picture

I asked my dh what he thought.... he said that IF the reporter specifically asked you if you were "mom" then you should have said, "I'm his stepmom".... BUT if the reporter simply asked you for your name then you didn't really need to offer up additional information.
However; I am young and a newer (2 years) stepmom.... and maybe the reason that my dh's ex and I don't get along is because I'm not considerate enough.... definately something I am going to look at within myself.

happy mom's picture

I think you did the right thing, I wouldn't want people to assume I'm the biomom either. I tell people up front and plus SS doesn't even look like me at all or anything like my daughter. Next time, don't even mention that to your husband since he is so sensitive about that issue. It's not like you lied.

-happy mom

Hanny's picture

I use to always correct people too, with skids and step grandkids. But recently my grown grandaughter told me she never understood why I referenced to them that way. That it seemed to her at the time when she was younger that I didn't want to claim them fully. I told her that was never my intention, I just didn't want to infringe on her real mom or real grandmother. So now with my younger grandkids (step grandchildren and there are 8 and 5 great step grandkids) I do not say step anymore, only with my older step sons (5) they are all grown, and I think they prefer it that way.

Just something to think about!

Cindy's picture

My SS was in the local paper about a year ago and the reporter assumed I was mom but I corrected her also. My DH thought it was the right thing to do as he said he would be somewhat put out if the role was reversed and BM's husband was listed as my SS's dad. Maybe ask your DH how he would feel in that situation? I think you did the right thing.

Sebbie's picture

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
There are just some boundaries we stepmothers do not need to step over..this would have been one( Only because this is a very public thing) I also agree that you do not have to make sure everyone you meet while ss is with you and dh know that you are the stepmother. On a day to day basis,DH and I introduced(while we were seeing ss) both my son, ss and my daughter as our children, and will continue to do so.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

on a day to day basis I don't announce it to people. However, I always feel a little funny when I am on the phone and making an appointment or calling ss's school, I always try to find other words than "my son, so and so needs an appointment" or whatever, because it makes me feel like I am lying. Maybe I do have an issue with it. I just don't like misrepresenting myself directly to people.

Just the other day the dental hygienist told ss to open up and show "mom" your 12 year molars. Neither I now ss said anything and we just went with it. Dh was still in with the dentist so he didn't hear it.

Anyway, I told Dh that there is a chance that the newspaper might still forget and print something that will make Bm mad but then he can tell her that I DID tell them that I was the stepmom! Then she can just be mad at the reporter.

I'm tired of worrying about it.

Sometimes being a step parent is so hard.

Dawn