New Here
Been lurking here for a couple of months. I am a bio mom of three "adult" sons and started lurking when my DH of 6 months began commenting about BS23 living at home with no job and paying no board. He understands that I don't feel that I can just kick him out of the house, and as all my kids are adults lets me do the parenting. I was looking for what to do with adult children that seem incapable of making it on their own and feelings that step-parents have about them. I have given my DS a time line in which to a) start seeing a therapist - which he has done and b) find a job - which he has not. He has just over one month left to find a job - any job or I turn the power off to the living room (yes, he sleeps on my couch as I only have a 2 bedroom home) and lock the breaker box so he can't turn it back on. This prevents video games and tv instead of looking for a job and he can plug his laptop into the uncomfortable kitchen area to continue to look for jobs. I don't want my adult children to become an issue with my new husband - he is the best thing that has ever happened to me!
Other BS 21 is working almost full time and going to college, and third BS18 has just started college and expects to get a job as soon as we finish teaching him how to drive. Just don't know what to do about the oldest.
I am also a step-daughter to an amazing step-mother who even though we don't agree on everything, she has been so much more of a mother figure in my life (for 33 years) than my own mother has. I very much respect all of you out there that are fighting the good fight trying to bring some stability to sometimes really messed up kids that don't even know what they are fighting. Someday they will realize what you have been trying to do for them.
Anyway, I know I'm not a step-parent, but I hope I will be welcome here, and if anyone has advise for dealing with adult step or bio kids - it appears I'm going to need it.
Of course you're welcome
Of course you're welcome here. Understand, I love my skids and outside this place I don't degrade them or act like evil. But here, I can come and hate them and their bm and talk about how they make me feel, without hurting dh or other people.
I feel understood here and at peace. I'm supported, like I SHOULD HAVE BEEN AT HOME! It's a lonely road out there step momming with all the guns pointed at you all the time.
My rule with my 3 adult kids
My rule with my 3 adult kids when they turned 18 was that they either had to be in school full time and working parttime or they had to work full time and pay $50 a week rent. That seemed to work pretty well for the most part. I do remember my DD when she was 19 dropping out of college and when I told her what I expected her to do now was work and pay rent. You would have thought I'd asked for her first born!!!! "If I HAVE to pay rent, I'm getting my own place!!!!" Well, sweetie that is your choice. So she got the full time job and her own place and did pretty well on her own. It sure was an eye opener for her!
I'm terrified my ODD17 soon
I'm terrified my ODD17 soon to be 18 will never leave the nest. She graduates this June, has a part-time job but is soooooooo immature.
I was independent at 17 and fully supporting myself in my own place so imagine my frustration!
When she graduates she has two choices, college or university or a full-time job pay rent and food or get your own place.
Hopefully, I'm worrying over nothing. She knows my expectations.
You have my sympathy and I hope like hell she is on her own by 23.
Good luck.