I need someone to ease my mind!!
Over the weekend there was a very positive step in my relationship with my bf and also one for his adult children (girls, 20 and 23). We've been together a little over a year and he's in the process of divorcing his wife which has been going on for a billion years it seems. Anyway, his daughters were really angry once he and I started dating and then when we moved in together they refused to come over to our apartment. It was fine when it was just him but obviously once I was there, they didn't want to see my stuff or know anything about the life we have together which I do understand. However, over the weekend his youngest daughter told him that she wanted to come to our place. This is a HUGE step for her and for my bf and I as well. Not only that, she asked about me...what I do for work and seemed interested which she has never done before. When she told her dad she wanted to come over she pretty much told him she was tired of being stubborn and she gives up the charade. She admitted in not so many words that it's time to be a big girl. So while I am not there to meet her (hopefully that will be the next step) it's still a big deal to us that she take this step. However...I am a nervous wreck right now. I'm so anxious and I can't get my mind off what she might be thinking/feeling/saying. I don't know why I'm so worked up about this. This is a good thing, why am I so frantic right now? Am I being silly??
I am not sure why you have to
I am not sure why you have to leave your house in order for SD to come and visit. Maybe that is why you are so frantic right now or maybe it is because you have high expectations for this visit and are not sure if you will be let down.
I am a little confused, do
I am a little confused, do you and BF live together at the home she will be visiting and if so , why won't you be there? If she has made the move to break down this barrier, then I think you probably have nothing to be nervous about. Its a good sign if she made the first move.
I am going to assume you are
I am going to assume you are not going to be there because you and BF are taking baby steps with SD and don't want to rock the boat? I think you being frantic sounds very normal!! I'm sure you have high hopes that this will be the beginning to a new start so you have a lot of hopeful/nervous energy. I think because SD decided on her own to reach out that this is a really good thing. She is ready to start mending the gap. I'm sure it was hard to see a new woman's belongings with her dad's because that confirmed that her parents would not ever be together again (even if she already KNEW it). I think by her admitting that she was being stubborn it sounds like she is ready to move forward. I'm so happy for you! Maybe her sister will follow her lead someday! She will be nervous to meet you too, especially if she has behaved poorly in the past. I think you should just be yourself and friendly and hopefully this will be a great start to the holiday season!
Thank you sillygilly I
Thank you sillygilly
I actually do feel better knowing it is a normal feeling. You're probably right about her realizing officially that her dad is not going to be with her mom again. I keep forgetting that she's around because I get so focused on the girls. I was also thinking maybe she is afraid to accept me because...that is a betrayal to her mother? I could also understand that.
We have been living together for a year and because they were hurt/angry/confused, they have not been ready to move forward and accept their dad's relationship. I should clarify for others, I am at work today and she had the day off so she wanted to go during the day. Not only that but if she wanted to come over and I wasn't working I would still leave the house. It's a very important step and I don't want to force her into meeting me until she's ready. This is a step in the right direction and we're trying to embrace that for right now. She is the first to come around and my bf thinks this will encourage his eldest daughter to want to do the same.
We have all been through a lot and I was just beginning to feel as if there has been no progress or hope for the future and then this happened so I am really happy about it. It is very unsettling that he has these 2 people in his life that are so important and we've been together a year and I have yet to meet them. It's like he has this whole other life that I know nothing about and it's really frustrating.
I am hoping you are right sillygilly, perhaps this is the beginning for us!!
Normal. My OSS has been the
Normal.
My OSS has been the bane of our lives or the past few years. He is in treatment right now but when he comes out I will give him space to build on his relationship with his father before I am going to involve myself with him again. Sure, berfore the treatment facility when he was in jail he would get a pass and visit with us and we would chat. However his relationship with his father and brother comes before his relationship with me.
As for his relationship with the ice Queen Enabler (BM) ... she is on her own with that one. Because she failed to reel him in when he first started to go off the rails she gets what she sowed.
Give them some space and introduce yourself on a neutral territory (restaurant?). Respect her feelings and she should respect yours. It also gives you a safety barrier if she turns on you. You haven't given too much of yourself away.