I have read on this site for quite a while but new to posting.So,hello to everyone. My DH and I married a short time ago but together almost four years.DH and his kids BM divorced a very long time ago before we met.My DH made some poor choices that led to the divorce.BM made some as well.He carries around most of the guilt(for reasons I can't go into for fear of post being discovered it's a unique situation and would be figured out)and his kids know this and use it to their advantage.All his kids are adults,married with children but still bemoan the divorce etc.

His kids aren't exactly thrilled with his choice to marry me,of course,and have made snide passive aggressive comments when DH leaves room,eye rolls when they think no one is looking,behave like they are too good to spend time in our home,won't eat anything I cook and ..the typical Step-crap.

I can handle some of that(except the comments)but I'm having a hard time accepting some of my DH's behaviors.

I can't accept having to walk in front of or behind him and his kids when I do go somewhere with them,being excluded from the dinner table when another table and more chairs could be added,him acting somewhat indifferent toward me in their presence,blaming me by saying I have deep issues b/c I take comments wrong(one of those comments was a jab at one of my infant grandchild's features common due to normal birth which isn't an issue any longer but it angered me)and I need to "get over it".

He makes an excuse for anything they say/do so since the issue started. I'm to the point I won't even mention his kids any longer to keep peace and doubt I am present at the next visit.He thinks they do no wrong,are superior to all( DD's,BTW)and personally I think they are judgemental,sanctimonious snobs(One in particular,the others I can tolerate although it's still strained).Although I keep that to myself..at least the strong terminology...I have expressed being uncomfortable with the high and mighty attitude,strutting around like they own the place,literally sticking noses in the air, put new wifey in her place power play type of behavior.

I have not done one thing to these people except marry my DH.The issues with their behavior wasn't an issue until after the marriage took place and we married without inviting anyone b/c we could not afford a wedding,been married before,couldn't get both sides of family together b/c of distance.He told them we were marrying and one DD was upset he didn't talk to her first before his decision to marry me but we thought we had resolved that before we married but I realise that was one mistake we did make..but that's it. So I think that is part of the problem but it still doesn't warrant the treatment I've recieved.I have made it clear I respect their BM,I don't even consider myself SM b/c they are grown and have a Mother,encourage quality alone time with Daddy without complaint..so WTH?

Now,the strange part.DH has calmed his incessant bragging of them and the boo-hooing to Daddy has subsided unless they want him to do something.The Daddy little girl stuff has subsided some too but not altogether(that's rly my issue b/c my parents wouldn't put up with me behaving like that at my age and they are old enough to where it's a bit sickening and a story in itself).But now,it's manifesting itself if my DH sees a movie about a daughter killing a Dad's wife he chuckles(yes,he chuckled at this and it rly did not sit well with me)or programs that involve a daughter and stepmother he automatically assumes it's the SM's fault.The other day we were watching this documentary about Lizzy Borden(he was watching it and I awoke to this program on our T.V.)and he sit there assuming the poor SM who got murdered did something to make poor Lizzy snap but shut his mouth at the end when they suggested sexual abuse of Lizzy by her Father may have been one motive.

I feel really kind of silly for letting this bother me so bad but it is,so here I am typing it off my chest.I just don't get it.Yes,I have resentment toward his kids(one more so than the others)and he knows it but I don't hate them or chuckle over a SM killing her husbands children either.I'm just sick of ALWAYS being second-rate to his kids,his kids self centeredness and snobbish behavior and having them factored into major life decisions that really have no effect on them given they do not live with us and having them voice what they want Daddy to do or where to live with no regard to what I may need or want in whats MY LIFE too.They also control BM as well and are always putting down her friends and partners and throwing fits if she doesn't bow to what they want but my DH sees none of it and cuts me off and tells me he doesn't want to hear it.

 Anyone else ever have an issue with a DH behaving this way..getting a thrill over the thought of a daughter harming a wife?I feel like I'm in the twilight zone because of this and all the rest of it.Any insights into this mentality would be very appreciated.I am at a loss.