Right of First Refusal
So we had SS8 this weekend and it went pretty well. We picked him up at 6PM on Friday, took him to his boy scouting adventure Saturday, and just chilled out Sunday. His mom called at 4 asking if she could pick him up early because she was nearby and HALLELUJAH, DH said No, he'll be ready at 6. So at 6:10, BM comes to pick up SS. DH knew she was going to be pissy, but in her typical fashion, the calm before the storm we'll say, she acts fine at first until Monday (today) comes up. She says "I hope you don't yell at me, BUT, i had a change in plans last minute for work and won't be home in time to get SS from school. I got a call late Friday evening and Saturday we finalized the plans, so I have to go into the office Monday and Tuesday. Can you pick up SS?" So DH tells her that wasn't enough notice to be able to get off in time to get SS from school either day because it was already, by that time, 6:30PM, and he wouldn't be able to reach his supervisor. She proceeds to tell him that she arranged for his step-brother to pick up SS and then take him to SF's mother's house until she can get home.
(Now, before you all start freaking out on me, let me explain that this woman works from home 98% of the time and typically gets 3-4 weeks notice before a major change in her schedule, such as going into the office. Let me also explain that this past January, she and her husband separated and she moved herself and the kids into an apartment while they "worked out their differences." Whatever. Her husband has 2 older sons and they all, including the husband, are loose cannons when it comes to making sound decisions. And the husband's mother is elderly and can barely take care of herself, let alone kids.)
Naturally DH is pissed because, like so many times before, she springs stuff on him expecting him to make split second decisions although she's had days to make alternate plans.
My concern is this. When it comes to ROFR, is there generally a timeframe that needs to be adhered to? She knew Saturday morning that this was the plan, but sprung it on DH Sunday evening. And what is to stop her from continuing to do this - waiting until the day before to "spring" it on DH for a last second decision?
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Thanks PA. I think DH's issue
Thanks PA. I think DH's issue (and mine as well) is that if he was given enough time, he would not have refused to watch SS. It just seems that she's pulling the rug out from underneath his feet by not giving him an opportunity to arrange his schedule so he can get SS. Does that make sense? DH wants to get SS because EOW doesn't seem like much, but if he's given last minute notice, the only option he has is to refuse.
I find it ironic that she finalized her plans Saturday, made arrangements for SS on Saturday, and THEN gave DH the option to get SS Sunday evening. It's almost like the odds were against him from the start. And what can he do to stop it? This whole thing started because BM went to California for a week back in January and left SS with SF, who at that time was separated from BM, and DH knew absolutely NOTHING about it!! He found out on accident when he called her at 9AM and woke her up because it was 5AM there. It was ridiculous.
I believe they do have joint
I believe they do have joint legal custody, although BM is CP and DH is NCP. In an email documenting the evening's events, he expressed his disapproval of the arrangements, but based on the timeframe, he was only left to trust her judgment.
I really feel stuck in this regard because he can disapprove all he wants but what does that mean? what good does it do to say "I don't approve"? I understand is something bad happens, then it's a slap in the face, but whether DH likes it or not, that's what's going to happen and there's really nothing he can do about it.
No time limit is specified.
No time limit is specified. It basically means he can decide if he wants them when it is not his scheduled time. If it was me, I would make sure he takes them every single time.
Our problem is that BM never gives it to us anymore. She is supposed to and it never happens. If she did it everytime, she would only have him about 20% of the time. Right now, with her working so much he is always with his step sister or Step Dad.
I wish there was a way to
I wish there was a way to enforce that. Most times that something has happened, we have always found out after the fact. This is why we pushed for the ROFR in the new custody order. But if she's going to wait until the very last minute, KNOWING DH will have to refuse, that's not possibly fair. There has to be a way to hold her accountable for that. The email DH sent to her last evening expressed his disgust with the situation, specifically asking why she hadn't notified him BEFORE she made the other arrangements. I'm hoping that once the agreement is signed, she does it a few more times so we can charge her with contempt. Right now she thinks she is untouchable, but even having documentation showing a pattern of her behavior has to be enough to get her an ass chewing by the judge...hopefully?