Princess 18 moved into the dorm on August 14. Since then she has only called me 3 times, and each time it was because she needed help with an online test in a subject I used to teach... She never returns my calls, doesn't answer my texts and ignores my emails.

I am annoyed by this. I know her last year home wasn't perfect (okay- the last 2 years), but most of the issues we had were teenage girl things, and problems she brought on her self. I know I joked when she left that I wouldn't miss her till October 1st! And in many ways, this has been true. I don't "miss" her. My house now has some stability, and I enjoy having the extra bedroom, which is more like an office/workspace now. But that doesn't mean i don't love her... I think it's designed that way, that kids begin to act out when it's time to move on to the next stage in life... That way, you are kinda happy to see them grow and move on (and outta your hair!)

But I think about her from the moment we met. She was 5 and in kindergarten. I was her new teacher, and her daddy was the new building principal. She told me her name was Jennifer. Later, when I was chatting with him, I kept saying "Jennifer," and he finally asked, "Who are you talking about?" "Your daughter?" I said. He told me that wasn't her name. After some questioning to her, he discovered that she was embarassed about her speech impediment and told "the pretty lady" a different name she could say, since she had trouble saying her own name.

I remember before we were dating, I had to drive her to school one day- just helping out the boss, who happened to live around the corner from me. And she talked about how she wished her daddy would find a pretty girl and be happy. I remember a few weeks later when she caught us kissing and she said we had to get married because only married people kiss.

I know I probably fell in love with her before I fell in love with her father.

I know for damn sure I stayed with her father through many rough times because I knew she needed me.

A little girl needs a mother to show her the way in the world. Her own couldn't do that for her most of the time, but I could. I always made sure to be the best mom I could be for HER.

i held her hand when she had her wisdom teeth out. I held her hand when she was rushed to the emergency room after a fainting spell. I held her hand through the months after the "dark thing" happened... I held her hand when her first crush hurt her feelings. i held her hand when her own mother wouldn't make time for her. I planned parties and trips and special days. We shopped, we stayed up late. We laughed and cried.

I was there a year ago when she called me a bitch and said that she didn't need me.

I sat back while she turned her attention to her bio-mom, who constantly slaps her aside and only needs her when she can get something out of it. I sat back when she became more involved in her boyfriend's family than her own. i choked it back when she began calling his mother "mom."

She didn't need me, but I still put together a graduation party, got everything ready for her dorm. Have a special Christmas surprise planned for this year... I wait for her to return a call or a text...

I hate not being needed now. It's selfish, really. I put 13 years of love and discipline into this child, this butterfly, and now she's becoming an adult, and instead of reaping the benefits of all my hard work and support, I'm being shut out.

It sucks.