FB
So this week my SD8 mentioned to DH and I that she likes to play the game farmville. I thought she was talking about the time she was visiting with her cousins/aunt and they let her play farmville on their FB account. I was half paying attention until she told us that she has a facebook account. WTF? Nevermind the fact that she's only 8 and I thought you were supposed to be 13 to get an account, but DH and I also have FB account so why did we not know this? And, how long has she had this account?
Later on, we did a search and though it was difficult to search for her, we did manage to find her listed on the friend list of one of BM friends. So, sure enough, she has a FB account, complete with actual pic for others to view and so does SS11. He never mentioned this to us at all.
When DH saw this, he was so pissed. He emailed BM about this and wanted to know why she thought SD8 needed her own account (or, SS11 for that matter) if they supposedly only use it for farmville? He wanted to know what their passwords are as well. He thought it's his right as their father to know this.
Well, her response was what we anticipated. She never accepts responsibility and loves to point finger especially at me. She pointed out that I had posted pics of the kids on FB before (my wedding pic and maybe a couple others of us as a family) and we didn't get her permission. Nevermind the fact that she posts pics of the kids all the time and some, inappropriate in my opinion, especially those pics where the kids are in their bathing suits and where it is viewable to the public.
She also resorted to her common complaint of accusing us of bad parenting such as we let them see PG13 movies (spiderman, daredevil)-though they absolutely are not allowed to see them until they are 13-late bedtimes, I'm a bad stepmom, etc. Oh, and she also has let them see PG13 movies but just as long as she says its okay, then it's okay...her typical double standards. And as far as me being a bad stepmom, I'm not the one who had an affair when my kids were still in diapers. Nor did I expose my kids to domestic violence in my home and at one point, have to come over to DH's home in the middle of the night to have the kids stay the night there b/c her home was not safe. And, decide to stay in this relationship despite the DV past...it really wasn't that serious...just a 'difficult' time for all of them. Oh yeah, my parenting skills are questionable.
Anyway, bottomline is that she has access to their FB accounts. She has set it up to protect their privacy, she will decide what friends they will accept (of course not us or any of our family members) kids don't know their passwords and she is not going to give this info to DH...end of story.
So, what to do? I suggested DH report this to FB to have their accounts deleted. But, not sure if that will happen and, if so, will she just go out and get them new ones?
Or, play her game and suggest the kids get a FB account over here. She doesn't need to know the passwords and we can monitor it.
Not sure what we'll do yet.
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My youngest is 9. He has a
My youngest is 9. He has a facebook account. I monitor the privacy settings and content every day.
His sports teams and school use facebook to communicate team and school information. He shares photos and updates with his grandparents. He and his friends post stuff back and forth.
It is okay if both PARENTS
It is okay if both PARENTS agree to it and both have passwords - contact FB and tell them that the children are 8 and 11 and their father does not approve of them having the account and is being blocked from seeing his childrens account and they will be removed then if she puts up another one take her to court - this opens the avenue for child predators to get into contact with your skids - the BM does not have the power to allow harm to come to the children and when you let them on FB this can happen.
caregiver, that sounds great.
caregiver, that sounds great. And it a perfect world, both parents should have to agree to stuff like that.
But, going to court over a facebook account would likely do nothing but make a judge livid. I'm not even sure how you would draft a complaint for something like that. All mom would have to do is say she is monitoring it and that the privacy settings prevent anyone but family and friends from access.
I could see a person getting slammed with attorneys fees by bringing something like this into court. If you could combine it with other stuff, you might be able to pull it off.
Definitely talk to an attorney before you even consider filing a complaint about something like this. Judges get really pissy when they feel like you are wasting their time. An attorney in your jurisdiction would know ho seriously the court would take something like that. In mine...they would be really angry about even having to look at a case like that.
I agree with this, but if BM
I agree with this, but if BM has demonstrated PAS with kids, this could be one more item of proof in your favor. I think DH should continue to request them to add him as a friend. Then he can say that he's been trying and she won't grant him access. it does seem petty but combine it with other behavior, it could show the judge BM's true colors
We might report it to FB. I'm
We might report it to FB. I'm not sure what good that will do since BM will probably just set up a new account At the very least, it will piss her off...which is her normal response to basically anything we do that does not follow the routine set up in her home. Of course she will tell the kids that we did it but not explain why. I really think we should lead by her example and have them get FB account at our house. And since they already have an account over there, she doesn't need to have access to the passwords either. At least then, the kids could use FB safely (w/o their picture being displayed) at both homes.
COntact FB and have it
COntact FB and have it deleted. That's something I will not bend w/my kids...yet I'm a lot more flexible in what movies they watch. It's not about privacy settings, or predators either...it's about setting your kids to be socially inept and challenged at such a young age. I think it's an EXTREME disadvantage kids have today as they learn to mainly communicate through computers, text, iphones, etc. Lifetime of issues IMO.
I agree with overit, the
I agree with overit, the sites do cause the kids to become socially inept and out of touch with reality. My SS16 has been sitting in front of the computer for years, it really hasn't helped his problem. He has no clue what is to really have a friend. In general, I just think kids are missing out on too much my not having the face-to-face interactions and "real-play" play because they are always pounding on the keyboard.
When SS was about 11-12 he was setting himself up on gaming forums (Pokemon and those types of sites), of course he was fibbing about his age. At first, he was just playing games and chatting about the games. DH was getting annoyed that I was spying on the kid. Then the kid's postings changed tone. He wrote he was hits by cars twice and his parents refused to take him to the hospital (to this day this kid is paranoid about getting hurt, he stayed out of school for 3 days because he had a bruise on his ankle), he wathched his male cats having sex (BM has the cats), I was never fed him and when I did it was left over pukes, he goes into old buildings looking for ghosts (I photograph old building, I do go in them.....DJ amd SS stay outside crying about...The kid have NEVER stepped ONE foot in an old building to this day), then the worse one was he was drunk. He posted this about 9am on a day he was here...he was going on and on about being drunk...he didn't get a favorable response from the other kids.
Then by the time stamps we found out he was up all night on the computer. DH REFUSED to take the computer out of his room. DH FINALY figured it out that what the kid posted could come back to haunt us. He bagan to report the kid for being underage to the accounts. All of the places shut his account down and blocked our IP address. In fact, the one website totally shutdown because of under age kids. Its so easy for people to set up accounts, the monitors really don't know the people's real ages. I really don't fault the sites, because people should have an awareness of what the kid is doing on-line.
I got a little pissed at his elementary school, the school had their own social networking site. I wouldn't have had a problem with it, IF the school sent home a permission slip and set up the account for the kids...but they didn't. I really have a problem with the schools using ANY social site.....I highly doubt these kids are getting parental permission to open an account.
FB.....they do a lot of bullshit. The publish phone numbers, home addresses and location use. Some of the information comes from when you sign up....most kids don't think twice about putting their address and phone number down. Then there is the security set up....kids don't do that.....so their pages end up wide open. All of my friends that allow their kids on FB befriended them so they can watch what is going on.
It just bothers me that computer and computer use became an entitlement to kids....I think "we" need to take back our country from our kids.....they have too many damn rights!
PREACH IT!!! Hallelujah and
PREACH IT!!! Hallelujah and Amen!!! LOL
YOu know I noticed my 9yr old has a tendency to get more addicted to games-like Roblox..they used to get on the other one...Webkinz.
Now I have limited his time-he is VERY social at school, but once home he would refuse to go outside w/kids because he wanted to be on computer. I changed my windows password first. Then I took him off a whole 5 days to "wean him"-and allowed limited 30min increments on the wknds.
Now he is allowed every 2-3 days for about 45min but he HAS to be on good behavior those few days at school otherwise a no go.
For a minute they were both (my boys) taking it as a right, not a priledge-I'm trying to adjust that mindset and remind them it's a priveldge they have to EARN time on it by having certain behavior at school, with chores around the house, getting up in time in the am, etc. So far they haven't fought me back to bad.
And NOPE-no computers or tv's in the room for these two. In fact they share a bedroom-next year I'm moving my oldest to his own room-and we'll put the computer in a family room or their game/music room.