She finally asked, and he lied - or, BM gears up to take us to court
When BM divorced DH in 2002, she really bent him over the barrel. She took 1/2 of the house, a vehicle, all the furniture, (including heirloom pieces he brought into the marriage) 1/4 of his pre-tax income, he carries SD on his insurance, and he pays for ALL transportation for visitation. (900 miles) Plus, she'd hit him up for money all the time. Not long after, he got promoted, and she tried to go after him for increased CS, but he moved and his income actually dropped, so she couldn't.
Luckily for us, BM thinks DH is a loser, because he wouldn't go for officer. He's a hands-on training enlisted man, through and through. He would have been miserable as an officer. She just wanted to be an officer's wife. He didn't help things by getting charged with (not convicted of) a DUI in 2005.
The thing is, he has been promoted, and is set to get promoted again (guaranteed) next summer. His income has more than doubled in the last 8 years. He's been evading the issue when she asks, and when he got SD a new ID card, BM didn't notice the new rank.
But now, BM is unemployed. She and her DH have over $300k in debt, (house, cars, furniture on credit, plus whatever is on credit cards and monthly expenses) and now, only $75k/year in income. BM just spent a half hour kissing DH's ass about how smart he is to be going back to college and how easy it must be for him. Then she flat out asked him if he shouldn't have been promoted by now. He lied and said he hadn't.
I'm upset with him. I don't hold with lying to people, even BM. She has physical proof that he lied. Even so, he has been underpaying CS by a couple hundred dollars a month - but if BM were to take him to court and manage to get assessed as having no income (which we would fight strenuously - her county unemployment rate is half the national average, she doesn't have a child under the age of 5 in the house, and she could be considered willfully unemployed) his CS will go from $622/month to $1039/month. We can afford it, but that doesn't make it right that we pay half of BM's mortgage.
What do you think? Should he have fessed up? Do we wait until she thinks to check SD's ID card or realizes that oh wait, he's at school for TWO pay grades higher than she thought he was? I would have advocated not lying, but now that he's done it, now what?
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If she gets an attorney, it
If she gets an attorney, it won't matter. The attorney will find out. The military makes it very, very easy. And if he even gives the appearance of trying to avoid the obligation, his career could be over.
I don't know how the decree is worded. However, it the order states that she gets 25% and he isn't paying 25%, things will go very badly if you end up in court.
No, no, the CS was a dollar
No, no, the CS was a dollar amount - but in 2002 DH was only making $2500/month.
Sorry to have confused the issue. He hasn't been skipping out on paying what was court ordered - BM has been assuming that he's a loser and hasn't gotten promoted. She also hasn't taken into account the annual 3.5% raises and longevity raises, and got remarried to a "REAL PROVIDER" 4 years ago, so hasn't asked for more CS.
I didn't think he had been
I didn't think he had been "skipping"...maybe just not updating.
If it's a set dollar amount, then it's on her to try to get it modified. He's paying what he was court ordered to pay.
See above - nothing to fix.
See above - nothing to fix.
[quote] We can afford it, but
[quote] We can afford it, but that doesn't make it right that we pay half of BM's mortgage.[/quote]
I'm sorry, what?
Adding over $400/month to our
Adding over $400/month to our bills won't put us on shaky financial ground. We can afford a crazy CS increase like that. However, I don't believe it's right for us to pay (after checking a mortgage calculator) 2/3 of BM's mortgage payment on the $280k house.
Let's see... Medical, dental
Let's see...
Medical, dental and vision (not that SD14 needs it, here eyes are perfect like DH's) are covered by DH 100%, no co-pays.
The rest? SD14 has exactly 3 pairs of shoes. Her clothes are from thrift stores. BM sells her books (that we buy as gifts) back to the used book store "so we can get money back, you don't need them anyway." SD14 isn't allowed to participate in activities because she is (and has been for years) the free babysitter for her little half-brother who BM would otherwise be paying daycare/afterschool care for.
Our expenses (2 adults, 3 pets) are less than $2k/month. Because we CHOOSE to live that way. She CHOSE to buy a $280k house and buy a Harley and drive a new convertible. Believe me, SD14 is the LEAST of her expenses, and I resent the idea of paying $13k/year to someone who will kick her own child out the day she graduates from high school and the CS stops, with absolutely no help toward college or getting established in life. That's not just an assumption - BM has stated as much to SD14.
That's why I haven't urged DH to 'fess up earlier. The increase would be going to BM's "girls nights" and nails and hair and clothes, NOT to SD14.
I wouldn't have the same
I wouldn't have the same issue at all, because DH wouldn't be paying her the equivalent of a JOB (after tax income of a minimum wage job is $1020/month) to sit on her ass. It would be proportionate to income, and at least she would be trying.
Her coming to him with her hand out because she can't find work in a city where the unemployment rate is under 5% (national average is what, 9%?) is just wrong. He has NO objections to supporting his daughter. We will take her in after high school when her mother kicks her out. It's financing BM's extravagant lifestyle that blows.
BTW, that CS is 130% of our mortgage. It's equivalent to a 4br 2 1/2ba house in a nice neighborhood, both here and where BM lives. But no, she has to live in the country club subdivision where every other house has a pool.
My sweetie is sitting next to
My sweetie is sitting next to me and read over my shoulder. He used to work in military pay. He says that your DH needs to roll over on this. NOTHING pisses off a commander more than not supporting your dependents. All they have to do is subpoena his pay statement, which he must provide, which will show his new rank.
He's not refusing. He is
He's not refusing. He is paying what was court ordered. It's on BM to ask for a CS modification. And if BM DOES take him to court, the fight will not be to avoid increasing CS, it will be to make sure that it's FAIR according to state law and not extortionate because she says that's what she deserves.
BM has SD14's ID card that plainly states that DH is a E8. BM thinks he's still a E7. She knows that the Sergeant Major's Academy is in El Paso. She knows he just moved to El Paso. It MIGHT click when he moves back to NC next year that he's going to be a E9, but I don't know. All she has to do is open her eyes, but shes so arrogant and dumb that it takes whacking her over the head with a clue-by-four to get her to see facts. Even then it doesn't take 90% of the time.
BTW, in Louisiana, there is NO time limit between modification requests. When I asked two months ago if we should 'fess up because he was underpaying, I got a resounding, "Let sleeping dogs (or BMs) lie."
Well I know our useless BM
Well I know our useless BM lives in LA, and the lawyer told us something similar about letting sleeping dogs lie. This is crazy we have the military and state in common.
And he has, especially in the
And he has, especially in the past. For exactly the same reason he lies to BM. She got him conditioned HARD - if he pissed her off or didn't didn't do what she wanted him to, she'd pitch a screaming violent fit and make his life miserable. It took YEARS to convince him than admitting he screwed up didn't mean I would fly at him and try to hit him. He still cringes away from me if I lose my temper, and I have never, and never will hit him.
The thing is, he's really bad at it. I usually catch him at it. He got away with it with BM because it was on the phone and he was confirming her arrogant opinion of him being a loser.
It'll all come out in the end. Guess it might be time to start finding ALL the lawyers in her town and consulting them...