Am I being too touchy about this?
Hi all, I have a really weird question. Ok, a little background.... My husband and I have 4 kiddos between us. I have bs's 18 and 14, and he has bd's 15 and 12. We have split 50/50 custody of his girls and my boys are with us 100%. We used to have a very active sex life and probably still would except that I refuse to have intimate relations with him when his girls are with us. Ok, sounds stupid I know but this is the reason. We dated for almost 3 years before moving in together. He basically lived with me and my boys during this time except EOW when he had his girls. I am not stupid enough to think that my BS's did not hear us having sex because the walls in my apartment were paper thin and our rooms were right next to each other, however in 3 years time they never, ever made an issue of it. They have too much respect for me to say anything. On the other hand, the two SD's decided to announce not only what I feel is totally inappropriate conversation, but to do so in front of their BM's ENTIRE FAMILY at a bbq, that they were forced to go outside one night because they heard sexual noises coming from our bedroom. Yes, TRUE STORY. The reason we know is BM decided to confront my DH with this little tidbit of information when dropping the girls off for their weekly vacation at our home. She also stated to my DH that they should not receive any punishment as they were just stating something that made them uncomfortable. Can we say BULLSHIT!!!!! They are both old enough to know that this is an inappropriate conversation for ANY arena. Also, there is NO WAY they heard any noise as I am quiet as a church mouse when they are there and our bedroom is all the way across the house from theirs. The only way they would hear anything is if they had a magnifier pressed to our bedroom door or a hidden microphone inside our bedroom. I was so humiliated and hurt by this that I cannot in any way shape or form get excited by my husband or the prospect of anything sexual when they invade my home for their weekly visits. Is this wrong and if so what can I do? I feel like there is a wedge between me and DH when they are here and I do not in any way shape or form want this to continue. When he asks me why I turn him away and I explain how I feel he says I need to get over it. But how do I get past the embarassment and humiliation I feel knowing the BM and her entire family got a huge laugh out of this and a glimpse into my very personal life compliments of the two entitled princesses? Does anyone have suggestions? I would greatly appreciate anyones thoughts on this as I don't want this to continue to dictate my DH's and my intimacy.
Yes this would bother the
Yes this would bother the crap out of me - but I would start having sex when they are there and would probably actually scream since you have been so quiet up until this point. The girls were very inappropriate but it is also important that they see a good healthy relationship between you and DH. This may be the only healthy relationship that they get to witness. Kids their age know that mom and dad have sex. My SS used to stand outside our door and wait until he thought we were doing it and then would knock on the door. When it first happened I hit the roof - I told him if he ever did that again he was in trouble.
This past Summer he tried to embarrass me at lunch one day with friends of ours by saying I know you and dad had sex last night I could hear you - which was bullshit because we did not have sex and like you I try to be quiet when he is here for his 4 weeks of the year. But instead of getting upset I just looked at him and starting moaning and said is that what you heard? He stopped smiling, my friends starting laughing, I got a few weird looks from people near our table but the point was made and SS was put in his place.
Don't punish DH by not having sex - have it enjoy it and screw them - they have shown what type of person they are and so has the BM by trying to excuse their behavoir - don't let it ruin you sex life - ENJOY!!!
It's important to respect the
It's important to respect the kids enough not be obvious about when you're intimate with you DH, but that are old enough to know not to cross the line.
Did your DH correct them? If not, then he should. If he's like most DHs I've read about here, he may not do it.
Enjoy you sex life nevertheless.
Hey I am with you on this
Hey I am with you on this one....It's my home and my sex life and if we choose to have sex...so be it.....his little she-devil has been caught with her ear to the wall before listening to us!!!!
Guess my best advice....wait till they are sleeping!!!
Caregiver, WOW, I am LMAO
Caregiver, WOW, I am LMAO over the moaning incident!!!! I soooooo wish I had the balls to do that. And Bee, it is impossible to wait until they are asleep as my Dh and myself both work very early hours and are in bed and asleep by 9 pm most nights. So if we do go to our bedroom early of course then the knocks on the door start always with bullshit reasons for needing his attention. My boys both always knew that once I entered my bedroom and the door was closed that they were not to even knock on the door unless it was a matter of great urgency and they were smart enough to respect that. His daughters have been told this on multiple occassions and yet they still knock on the door and say things like "Dad, can I have a bowl of cereal?", keep in mind they never "ASK" for anything, they just demolish whatever they want. They both know exactly what they are doing and it is just really hard to get past the embarassment. Although Caregiver, I am so totally thinking of making soooooo much noise during love making that it embarasses them to even look at their father,lol.
Ew! The little skanks! Using
Ew! The little skanks! Using that language around their mother let alone her family!
I would actually tell them this ...
"I understand you told your mother and her family you heard us having sex and had to go outside. That is completely untrue and you know it unless you were listening at the door.
How would you like me to announce it to MY family when you girls are having your period? Maybe your stepbrothers may like to know when this happens and tell THEIR friends.
(Look of horror on their faces)
So if you feel the need to tell your mother EVERYTHING that goes on in my home you leave the gate wide open. And by the way, you wouldn't be able to hear us anyway. Our room is soundproofed for that very reason. But the door isn't. So what was it?"
Good one!!
Good one!!
We also have a do not disturb
We also have a do not disturb sign we got from a hotel - we use that when we want to have sex or even if we want a little communication time to ourselves. When the sign goes up SS knows that unless the house is on fire or that he is bleeding out he better not bother us. Your alone time is important for you and for your kids to see that you want to spend time together.
And yes the moaning at the lunch table was great - it finally shut him the hell up. I do think we are the only example of a healthy relationship that he has - because he has told us in the past that his BM told him she dates Lots and lots of men and no one is going to hold her down - nice right coming from a mother. Also we know that she dates lots of married men that she can't bring around SS so sometimes he thinks she is the virgin Mary. It is a twisted world he has choosen to reside in - but she is the easier parent and is never around so he gets to do whatever he wants.