I have been married to my husband for 12 years. When we married the our children ranged in age from 10 to 24. Currently the youngest two are in college and the rest are grown,married, have children and live on their own.
I could detail the many years of trying to work on being a family, about the struggle to find a balance between being kind and being a victim. But as i have read ...there are no new stories...a small amount of background would be ..neither of us has been perfect, and none of our children have been ideal...we have faced each struggle with hope and tried really hard to be careful with each others children. We decided early on that we would parent our own children and not each others...He has been the good guy for mine and i have been the good guy for his. I catered but did not attend his childs wedding ( so that their mother would be comfortable) or childbirths, i attended all school events but stayed in the background...He did the same. His children have been all over the place in regards to how the feel and behave towards my husband and myself. I have been attacked physically ...verbally ,and in writing my children have been called horrible filthy names and even my grandchildren... and as odd as it seems there have been some periods of time, extended periods when all of the children are great, truly lovely family occasions that were fun and silly...and uneventful...
and so here we are , my 31 year old step daughter, who is currently having some personal and money issues with her husband. asked her father for 5000 dollar... he said no. and the trouble begins again! She told him she would never speak to him again... and then left insulting threatening voice mails..wrote disgusting letters...and when he did not respond she began to call my phone and write the emails to me and said what can only be described as the most disgusting and horrible things she could imagine...and i have not responded..but i wonder is it crazy for me to stay in a life where the "bombs" go off ? i adore my husband and i am committed not just to him but to our grandbabies, and even though my husband says he is through...i know that a parents love for a child will forgive anything and maybe there will be a period of time were he can deal with being estranged ,long term hopes are (of course) for things to be good between them again. I wouldnt ask him not to have a relationship with her, but i am beginning to wonder if i am up to continued attacks out of the blue..i wish i could say that it didnt hurt me each time ,,but it does,i wish i could say that i was indifferent but i am not ...i wonder if i am going to be in my sixties and having this go on.... 12 years is a long time,,andyes i understand ALL families have issues stepchild or birthchild, there is drama.but when it is my birth child i can react,,, and i can pull out that reserve of love i have for them ...and we can work it out. With the step children i assume the issues are over, and they are not i behave in a careful and silent way and am called weak and they laugh..
the last bomb went off two days ago and i am still a wreck... wondering whats next?

is 12 years long enough to hope and am i crazy to live in the war zone?