It's probably not the best way of thinking but it might actually give me something to help in the stress. I know that my ss11 will be with us for long after he is 18 since bm has already stated that she's moving as soon as the kids are 18 and he will not be capable of living on his own because of his mental condition. But where alot of the stress comes from here in the house is sd14. Bm can't control ss the way she does sd so I figure that once sd turns 18 that the stress might actually reduce quite a bit. My dh had it in his head that sd is welcome to live here as long a's she's working once she turns 18 but I let him know that ain't happening. If she's not in college then it's fine for her to live here when she gets a job but there will be a deadline set for her to find her own place. I was the same with my son. When he showed signs of wanting to just laze around and only work and play on the computer, I put his ass into the navy. I will do the same with my daughter if she tries the same thing. I refuse to be one of those parents who's kids are still living at home when they are 30. If they don't have the will to do that on their own then I feel the military will give it to them. But back to the main topic of this post, I at least have the prospect of in 4 years the one causing the largest amount of the stress here being gone. My dh probably isn't looking forward to that time since she is so brainwashed and controlled by their bm that once she turns 18 I honestly would be surprised if she continues to keep visiting. I'm still not sure how things will go with ss since he is mr. He doesn't have it so badly that he will never live on his own but he will probably be closer to 30 before that happens. Since that's going to be up to us to make that happen since it's not going to benefit bm any. At least right now though he is pretty settled into the situation and any problems with him here usually stem from sd. Though I think we need to start thinking about seeing if we can get full custody of him when he turns 12. We would actually be able to help him more without his bm's constant influence. I'm hoping I can keep a positive outlook on this. Going to be he'll if I can't. Only way to help deal with the crap from bm and sd. Nothing like being blamed for things that happened between bm and my dh before I even knew them lol.