Well I lived with a girl off and on for about 10 years and though I pretty much intended to stay with her, I would never have married her. Why? I wasn't about to stand up in front of my friends and family and community and say "we are together as a team as long as we both shall live" because I wasn't sure it was true.

I honestly feel that there is something to being married.

I think it is the affirmation of getting up in front of your family, your friends, the law, whatever deity you may believe in, and your community and saying "we are together until the end and we will stay together." It should certainly give some peace of mind to those involved.

It's like in business when someone tells me "yeah we're gonna buy 500 of those widgets." Great. Show me a contract or a check or I'll believe it when I see it. When you're talking about marriage the widgets are tomorrow. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. When I wake up every day and you're still here, fine. But you haven't COMMITTED to anything. You've only decided to stay again today.

If neither person thinks it's important then I guess it's not. For me I want someone to make that affirmation, that commitment, that we are taking the same name, and swearing before whatever higher power we believe in and our families and our friends and everyone who reads the local paper, that WE ARE COMMITTED.

But that's just me...

It was a tax thing for us just kidding,maybe

our choice to get married was really spur of the moment and seemed like a good idea at the time.looking back, it was a good idea because we're still together and we're happy. I like the solid feeling a good marriage provides.i like the idea of our family unit fighting the evil forces of wicked BM and i didn't feel that way when i was a girlfriend or live in lover.i don't look down on couples who choose not to marry. it isn't right for everyone. it may not be right for me or for my husband in the future.you never know. life is full of uncertainty and people change.so i commend those who know without a doubt what they want and what they don't want.

I no longer think marrying someone is important. I learned my lesson the hard way. You don't need a piece of paper to show commitment. I don't think I will ever marry again (I know, famous last words, lol).

I couldn't agree mire with you! I remember when my kiddo was born the talk of some of DHs family saying "well, his other kid IS the result of a marriage and this one is NOT...what will HER kis say to truant when she throws that in his face?" to which I replied "oh yes, your parents were together for a full 3yrs because of marriage and mine aré STILL together because of love"...ie up yours!

I lived as a "married couple" w/DH for 10yrs before we married...we looked at it as a "celebration" of 10yrs of making it through against all odds, ie il's, BM, truant, and sil trying to separate us...the ceremony was simple and ONLY w/those friends and family that have supported us and helped us throughout these last 10yrs...and we wrote the script so it was NOT the live happily ever after but "love each other in the here and now, and be the best partners we can be...living in the present and knowing we won't love each other the same everyday doing our best to live in the here and now...accepting the relationship within it's limits"

We do NOT feel any different than we did back 8yrs ago...we celebrated a milestone and "reassured each other" that we've been through alot and w/the help of our great friends and supporters as well as knowing all we have endured, we can someday celebrate another milestone...provided the "within limits" is met... ;-).

I do not think that married people are "superior" than unmarried couples. However, I do believe that marriage is important because it shows a whole different level of commitment. A couple that only lives together might split at the very first big argument, whereas a married couple, would probably have to think it "through" for a while, and find creative ways to solve the problem because nobody gets divorced from one day to another. I honestly think I would have walked out of my marriage when things got pretty ugly, but being married and knowing that walking out of the house with two suitcases wasn't going to end it, gave me the *time* to think through, and find ways to solve our issues.

I don't give two craps about the ceremony, but I do believe that being legally married is one step "above". I believe that is is as far as any relationship can go to show "love" & commitment for each other.

When you meet someone and you like that person, you "date" for a while, then you get serious and he/she is your girl/boyfriend for a while, then you decided to take it once step further and get engaged, after a while, you get married, that's it, that is as far as you'd go.

I come from a very conservative culture, in which living with a man is not seeing right. I, however, think it is important to live with the person you will be marrying (not my case at all). And if you don't even want to get married, I think it is perfectly fine for two people to live together. I do see my status a little bit different when it comes to steptalk. There are many people here that live with their SO, and have lived for many years, they truly are stepparents and many times they own things together. But there are other people that have a girlfriend or boyfriend that (i think) don't have it as hard as others do, because they can easily walk out of the relationship when things don't get too pretty. I do not say or imply that any unmarried person is beneath me when I answer a post here in steptalk, that's just silly.

Honestly, I love being married. I love that DH showed THAT type of commitment to me and not BM. I love being able to call him 'My husband' and call myself, "his wife"....

Couldn't have said it better myself! BF and I have talked a lot about getting married and If he asked me to marry him tomorrow I would most definitely say yes. However, it would never be a situation where it's marry me or else. Marriage doesn't tell me that a couple is more committed to each other just because they have a piece of paper. I still like the idea of marriage, although I think all women should sue Disney for raising the bar a little too high!! J/K. But no, really I probably will get married someday, but that is not my main goal. If BF and I are together and we're happy, then that's good enough for me! But boy I tell ya, if FMIL had her way, we'd be married and I'd be popping out another grandchild for her in the next few months!!! LOL

Neither I nor H has ever been married or divorced before. SS5 was, very sadly, the product of a high school / teenage fling. IMHO, marriage - the institution of marriage that is - is not, and has never been, about love. Marriage is about security, money, commitment, propogation of the species, leagl and sometimes social standing and rights. Dont get me wrong, I love my husband; im just saying that for eons, love has been the optional part of marriage. In the us, its a cultural thing - the puritans might still be proud of us yet lol. But no, i dont think a piece of paper as you put it makes one couple any better than another; i think proposing and getting married is not so much for the paper, as for the gesture itself - but of course, the gesture cant be hollow; like you said, it cant be a performance for the rest of society. To the rest - maybe im naive, im 22 years old - im sure i am - but my parents have been married for 32 years, H's parents (who are not married, and never intend to marry) have been together for 30 plus years, my grandparents have been together for 50 plus years... it seems paradoxical and naive to say this on this site but i dont believe in divorce. Maybe in this day and age its conservative and old fashioned on our parts, but how H and I were raised... if you marry somebody and you hate them then youre shit outta luck till you work it out, be that tommorow or in ten years or never. I might be naive about all of this, but I hope I'm not; i like to think that H's love for me would outweigh any other shit we go through and vice versa. It has so far, and there has been some shit. Dunno. Just my opinion.

I am not married BTW.....

Is marriage important to you? Yes, it is a different level of commitment than just living together...I'm old fashioned and I feel like blended and Gia..I like to be called someone's wfie..being called someone's GF after a few years is kind of embarrassing almost

Why or why not? answered above

Do you think that a couple who are married have an advantage over couples who are not? Yes...whether we like it or not society views us differently. Maybe it is just me but I feel like I am always on the defesive when people ask me when we are getting married.....

Do you think if a man marries you it means he loves you more than if you weren't married? No

If you are married do you think your relationship is superior to relationships where couples are not married? Every situation is different so I can't really answer that even if I was married, but I am not the kind of person who feels superior to anyone.

I believe that stating your vows in front of your beloved and your other loved ones is the final building block. To me, personally, it gives a relationship even more strength and power. I've never seen people who choose not to marry share the same commitment, unity and connection. To me, it means we're on the same page, striving towards a common goal. We have chosen to bear witness to each others joy and sadness without judging. We have promised to stand up for and support one another during lean times and fruitful times. We have agreed to raise our children a certain way and run a household with equality. We are a true team with a great sense of communication and respect. We have commited our like for each other, as well as our love.

That is what my marriage means to me.

Is marriage important to you?
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Marriage is important to me

Why or why not?
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It makes me feel like our relationship/partnership is whole. Throughout the 8 years DH & I were boyfriend & girlfriend I knew we would be together, but I didn't feel our relationship was complete because we hadn't taken the final step. It just feels good.

Do you think that a couple who are married have an advantage over couples who are not?
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I think there are certain advantages/disadvantes to both depending on how you look at it. DH's job doesn't provide the opportunity for health insurance. Some employers/insurance would allow me to carry him on my policy as a domestic partner, but mine wouldn't allow me to add him until we were married.

Do you think if a man marries you it means he loves you more than if you weren't married?
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I believe DH loved me as much unmarried as he does married.

If you are married do you think your relationship is superior to relationships where couples are not married?
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I don't believe our relationship is superior to a relationship where a couple is not married. To say that would mean that in the years we spent committed to one another unmarried were inferior to a married couples relationship. I don't believe that to be true at all. Look at all of the married couples with partners who cheat who are still married only because divorce costs too much. It'd be wrong to say that those couples are superior to an unmarried couple who are faithful to each other & honestly happy together.

I had a close friend who was long ago divorced and later fell in love with another man and they lived together as a couple for 15 years. One day, the man was suddenly and tragically killed. I felt bad for my friend and was certainly sympathetic, but I learned a lot about my own opinions when I found myself thinking...at least she didn't lose her husband. I realized that my reaction to someone losing a husband of 15 years was far different than someone losing a boyfriend of 15 years. I am sure my friend had the same attitude as the writer of the original post, and obviously their committment to each other far outlasted most marriages...'til death do us part, literally. Marriage does signify to the world the deepest intended committment. If you don't want to shout it to the world, why not? I have always been very torn about this topic. As a professional,independent woman, my opinions have wavered through the years. I was surpised to realized after my friend's tragedy how I felt deep deep down. She has become an insecure and grumpy woman since her boyfriend's death. If she had lost her husband, I think she would get a lot more sympathy. Now when she says her boyfriend died 4 years ago, everyone basically says, ahhh, that's too bad, time to move on, how about online dating??? As a side note, it is in part a practical matter. After my friend's BF's death, she has dealt with countless lawyers because properties and accounts that they shared aren't recognized as hers in some cases because they were never legally bound. Why go through the hassels of NOT being married if you have found the one?