Fingers crossed that he doesn't give her money
As the title says, I am keeping my fingers crossed that my DH does not start giving money to my SD33. He is concerned that she does not have food in the house. I am not concerned, as SD and her loser husband (LH), who are total layabouts (says hereiam, sitting on the couch, perusing StepTalk), seem to have money for the unecessary things that they want. So, I don't believe that they are going without food.
On one hand, DH does not agree with how she is living her life (doing nothing) and he knows that giving her money is just enabling her and goes against everything that he has tried to teach her over the years (in one ear, and out the other). On the other hand, she has 3 kids, so he worries. Again, I don't think the kids are going without. However, she may want DH to think that.
In the last few days, SD's LH finally got a job (sigh of relief for all). First day was easy and he thought that was going to be his job, just doing this easy thing. Next day, he's doing something else (lifting stuff) and finds out that tasks are rotated, so they don't just do the same thing all of the time, he has to actually WORK. Bummer for him! So, he's already laying the groundwork for why he might be fired. I think he has done this before, quit jobs but claimed he got fired (through no fault of his own, of course).
I don't think that my DH will give her money. I try to calm his worries with the facts, rather than forbid him to give her money (which, of course, is what I want to do!). But, it's nerve wracking.
I don't have many step life complaints, since SD is grown and BM has been out of our lives for years (DH refuses to talk to her about anything), but like my name, here I am, just the same.
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The very hardest part of parenting
I think the very hardest part of parenting is watching your kids mess up AND staying out of it so they handle their own problems and learn from the experience. I doubt if SD is letting her kids starve but you're right, she"s probably not above letting your DH think so. Stay strong, DH!
As a former "mess-upper" back in my 20's with my ex, I can almost guarantee they're spending money on non-essentials. We did. Our kids always ate but we had plenty of debt, uinpaid bills, all kinds of dysfunction. Immaturity City. I know my mother suffered watching it but she was strong enough not to interfere. My MIL was always good for a handout, maybe that's why my ex was still.mooching off her til she died.
Stay strong, DH!
Oh, I know they spend money
Oh, I know they spend money on non-essentials, my SD is dumb enough to tell my DH all about it!
All that extra money she got during Covid (remember, she has 3 kids), all spent on extras, none of it saved (as DH suggested to her).
Enjoy the breakfasts, lunches
Enjoy the breakfasts, lunches, and dinners of Top-Ramen kids.
Been there, done that. Not a position I would put myself in again. I experienced that prior to having a family. Which is why it is not something my family has experienced. I learned.
10 meals for a dollar. Back in the day anyway.
Ugh hopefully he's not going
Ugh hopefully he's not going to giver her money.
I'm ok with helping out a little once or twice but honestly you have to adjust to living within your means. Handouts aren't part of your income stream and shouldn't be factored into your spending budget. If SD and her loafer of a husband can't survive off the money he makes then one or both of them need to work more (ie a 2nd or 3rd job) or they need to spend less.
It's ridiculous that they thought having 3 kids was a good idea when finances were tight. And if they wanted that many kids, well that requires sacrifice (providing for them through w-o-r-k).
This is just a thought. If he
This is just a thought. If he really thinks they don't have food for their kids maybe he can just go and buy some groceries. I know at one point a family member was having difficulties with money. I did know that they had spent on unnecessary things but they had three children and since I didn't want to hand them cash that might be spent foolishly I went and bought them groceries. So that I could get more for my money I even went to a discount one. They were very appreciative and they admitted that they got themselves into the situation by not budging correctly. It never happened again where they didn't have money for food.
DH did something similar,
DH did something similar, years ago, with his oldest daughter (estranged) when she asked for money for diapers. He took her diapers. She never asked for money, again. Can't buy cigarettes or beer with diapers.
I hate to be uncharitable,
I hate to be uncharitable, since I have no issue giving a little help here and there for those who are truly in need. However, I have a problem accepting that two grown, able bodied young adults have a dire need for the entire lives over decisons of their own making and are just basically making excuses. .. I feel your pain since I also have an SD29 who had the same foolish thought to have two kids with another very low quality, lazy ass Baby Daddy when they knew darn well they didnt have the means to provide, but has no problem mooching off state benefits for as much as they can bleed out. But somehow , SD has the cash for cigarettes since she smokes like a chimney, booze, and weed some way or another. So, I couldnt totally believe it if she tried to say she and her family were starving. Never mind the fact that She has no job or doesnt keep one for long even just a Part Time gig, not even an GED yet and grim prospects. Baby Daddy has been no better at all. Then they are ridiculous enough to try to make it someone elses probem. I am hoping that your DH stands firm on some boundaries in not shelling out to bail them out, even if its on his own dime. However, you can still stand your ground to do what you can to not make it YOUR problem.trust me. no one wants that.
When a kidult makes a stupid
When a kidult makes a stupid choice in a mate, navigating that choice must be on the one who made that choice. Yes, call friends and family for emotional support, but.... solve the problem because no one can solve it but the one who made the choice.
No money, no food. SD and her idiot husband made the life they are living and the kids that they are torturing with their choices, so it has to be on SD and her IH to fix them.
I too am chair surfing while perusing STalk. Yes, my bride is kicking ass in her career and I am not currently working. However, my history as the primary earner and our partnership that has built substantial resources together works when these periods occur. For sure my mommy and my daddy would not be worrying about if we have food in the house and for damned sure if either of them were not interested in "helping" the other for damned sure wouldn't go against the other. IMHO this applies in blended marriage as much as it does in an intact initial famly marriage.
No is no. Stay on the no card with your DH. I would.
He is concerned that she does
um NO
She has a whole husband now
Disney daddy needs to fall back and let her husband provide
If she chose a broke man to marry that's her fault for being dumb and fiscally unwise.
If she's so broke she can afford food then
Smart women know never to marry into something worse than what you had before.
If he feels bad and compelled to give money to them it should be a loan with interest
My husband is FAR from a
My husband is FAR from a disney daddy.
He worries and part of him wants to do something but his gut knows that it's not the right thing to do in this situation, so he doesn't. I'm just hoping he doesn't change his mind for some reason.
If he were to do something, like give her money or buy her some groceries, it would not be some huge amount.
I might suggest he send her a
I might suggest he send her a flyer for the local food pantry (if he really wants to help monetarily he could donate some money to the pantry).
And if you are local (and you can tolerate it) perhaps he could have his grandkids (only) over for dinner occasionally so he knows they get a good meal.
The unfortunate part of this
Is SD is never going to change. If you start giving her money, you will never be able to stop. I don't know what's in your pockets but this idea of helping SD will have a impact on your financial life. No matter how you do it, as buying food instead of money they'd can sell the food.
'Why is food thing so important. There's food stamps , government. Welfair , programs out there. Where she can get food , so much food. [ not beer, liquor,drugs candy bars ] she will not be able to eat it all.
This type of person as my SD just never changes. My SD earns great money. New York avage. But has 5 insta pots , doubles of everything . More crap then I have . Just so sad that when I pass she going to get all this money to blow. And in 5 years be back in the same spot.
There's food stamps ,
There's food stamps , government. Welfair , programs out there.
This is why I'm not concerned, SD gets government handouts and if that's not enough, she can get a damn job.
She's in the situation she's in because of the choices she has made. Period.