Hi,

sorry so long I try to give you guys enough info

It's been a while since I have been able to get on. I just have a question with the holidays approaching. We currently have a BS who is 5. DH has a 10 yo BS 16yo BD. He also has a 14 yo D who isn't his but BM will never agree to take a paternity test to add her to CS order. His relationship with his bd has been alienated since they split. The only one he is able to keep contact with is his holy dna son and go figure the 14yo(who only starts to come over every year before Christmas to get that list in). Last Christmas was very gut wrenching. BM would never allow dh to get kids on actual holidays. Only the day before or after for gift pick up only from dh and his family who have always spoiled all the grandkids. Last year, carrying on as usual we bought skids gifts and our bs gifts. The day before Christmas BM decides SUPRISE dh is granted Christmas Day visit from skids. Go figure the sds opted to just come get gifts after Christmas but ss opted to come Christmas Eve night to wake up with us on Christmas morning. The only problem was we only do one big gift and money for Christmas for skids. Bs had all of his gifts under the tree. Christmas morning was full of dh dimming bs Christmas as not to make ss feel left out. I understand the feelings BUT was it bs fault that BM decided as she does to grant a holy visit that dhs dad guilt wouldn't alllw him to plan better for? Mind you ss gift cost as much as all of bs gifts. We decided long ago to get skids the big gift they wanted being as though BM can't afford. Christmas morning was spent with dh chasing ss around the house to make sure his feelings were in tact while also chasing this feeling of waking up with his jr on Christmas morning. We cancelled wearing our matching pjs because we didn't know ss was coming. Bs kind of went to the way side and I opened gifts with him while dh worried about ss. Now that holidays are approaching again I can't help to get nervous because as of now we won't know if she will allow them Christmas morning until days before. Is every years holiday season going to be like this? Where I have to wait for a lottery announcement and then ultimately dwindle bs holidays because we may not be prepared for skids? Mind you the sds only come when there is money on the table. Ss only comes to play Fortnite and eat what feels like only my food because his mom doesn't have these things. My FIL even had a convo with dh about how he notices that dh almost has an obsession with ss and the fact that he is named after him. Ss has grown up with BM and essentially lies, steals, and manipulates. He has come over and managed to break every expensive item we have except ps 5. Including the meta quest I spent $400 on for dh. Dh of course can't see this behavior because ss is an angel and listens to his every command. Dh even told me before "I love my kids but that one (ss) has a special place because he carries my name". FIL told dh he is going to ruin his current life chasing his old and trying to change ss while only getting him weekends. The only way we can change ss is to get him permanently but bm isn't having it and only wants dh to be a father when ss wants or gets suspended. Ss told FIL that bm told him to never respect me and that my child comes second because he has his fathers name. I feel like this is the only reason she constantly dangles ss in and out of our lives because she knows how dh is about him. Ok I am done. Thank you!