Visiting for first time in 5 years
Good evening all,
My partner and myself have been alienated from his 2 children but he's kept in touch and visited them around Christmas, but I haven't been "allowed" anything to do with them due to ex.
He took them on holiday this Easter and made a huge connection with his son(14). They have a lot in common including fishing, and his son is desperate to fish with his dad.
He was persuaded to come to ours to do just that and has arranged the Whitsun weekend. It is a 3 hour drive there to collect him and same back.
My partner was going to bring his son to the house for tea then rush off fishing for the weekend.
Whilst I am overjoyed that he has his son back, I feel slightly hurt that he's keeping my time together very limited. I mentioned that we need to keep it all "normal". My partner suggested to his son that I'll be around and to basically "deal with it"..
It makes me feel awful, as if the kids' do have a problem with me and I'm the root of their not wanting to come to stay when in fact the ex has been behind all of it.
By saying "deal with it" puts the blame on me and let's her off!
Am I seeing this right, I'm so confused.
Your SO is an arse for saying
Your SO is an arse for saying that. What is wrong with his brain? Why couldn't he have said, "S will be there,of course, I am sure you'll get along fine"? What's his problem? How incredibly hurtful.
He told the kid to deal with
He told the kid to deal with it regarding you being there? That's a good thing. If he told you to deal with it , not so cool. I get him wanting to spend time fishing with the boy. He could have at least bought you a spa treatment or something special for you.
My OSD is alienated and if
My OSD is alienated and if she was trying to reconcile or talk with DH I'd stay far away. However this is due to her very bad treatment of DH for years and ongoing. She's 19 now. While I blame BM for most of it, I also place some blame on OSD because she knew what she was doing at times and could be purposely hurtful. But I would not be against DH establishing a relationship.
If the kid was young, then I think yes, you should be there at least a little, showing you and your DH are a team and you are not separate from him. Be there at the tea time, pop in and out, say hello, but not overbearing. Let your DH take the lead and continue to support your role. He did good by telling his son to deal with it.
That your DH told his son to
That your DH told his son to deal with you being present is a good thing.
He needs to follow that up with some clarity that BM's opinion is only her opinion and is not accurate. Then daddy needs to roll our the facts for SS.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
I'm not sure I understand the
I'm not sure I understand the issue.
1. SS is there to visit with his father and they planned to go and share an activity. You seem ... resentful (?) of the "limited time" you get.
2. SO is supporting you by telling SS to deal with it.
What's concerning about the above? What is "normal" to you?
I suspect you are having other emotions about this all than what you posted and maybe you haven't figured it out yet. Not sure.