So SS just finished living with us for about two and half months.  During which time he did hardly anything to contribute to the household.  He just turned 20.  He didn't work except for three weeks of that period for a couple days of the week each time.    He got paid in cash.  He got money from somewhere as he was buying food and drinks for himself.  He did once or twice take out my DD for food or drink.     My DD is having trouble in school, not wanting to go etc.   My SS dropped out of school, before that he stopped doing school work.  He did eventually get his GED but not much else.     He lived in a house for two years on BM dime and support.   She pulled the plug and said he needed to come live with her if he wasn't going to go to school or work consistently to support himself.    However, its the town not him.    When he moved out and DH and I were getting the room ready we discovered he had thrown up on the floor and the on the back of the door and didn't clean it up.  Needless to say that was gross.     Anyhow, everytime my DD says that she's not going to school or doesn't like school he tells her that school is overrated.   Anyhow, now that he's moved out, my DH is encouraging him to keep in touch with DD as they can help her.   This include SD who is also living with boyfriend and mom and being supported by mom.   SD does have a job as does the boyfriend.  However, SD has dropped out of two college programs and failed another.  My DH tells both of his kids he can't wait to see where they go and he is so excited to see where they go.  Um let's see your daughter barely passed high school, went to Japan and dropped out of the program not finishing it.  Took a EMT course and failed , however she was the top of the class, then she started a crimal justice program and went two months.   She worked one job for two months but quit because she was told to do her job and not try to get others in trouble.  She quit another job with special needs individuals because she was going to have to help a female change her pad, (um you were a behavior therapist and that is part of the job).   She nows works at a daycare as an assistant.  I am a Special Education licensed teacher in the public school system but we do the same job as my DH says.   His son dropped out of HS, barely did any work the two years prior to dropping out,  got his GED a year after dropping out.  He worked one job for seven days but it was not his fault that the owner fired him because he was too slow.   He would show up late or not at all to the other job so after two weeks he was fired, however, this boss was his dad's friend so he gave him a second chance.   Now SS is planning on going to college while living with his mom.   Its just frustrating and I'm not sure these are the best models to be telling DD how to succeed at life.