Old papers

Flustered's picture
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I divorced my daughters BF when she was 13. divorce and family court were hell. I married my DH/her SF whan she was 18. I still have all those court papers from divorce from her father.... for years we (BD & I) were contentious. The past 7-8? Very close. She adored her SF, for over 23 years we were married......it's time to burn the papers about divorce from her father, huh?. My DH has died and her creep of a father is still alive but she hasn't talked to him in over 5 years.... I don't feel like I need to burden her . My DH wanted me to do it years ago...

Winterglow's picture

Then do it. And watch them vanish into ashes with a glass of something decent in your hand. 

CajunMom's picture

Your daughter doesn't need to see all that anyway. I'd keep my focus on the 23 beautiful years you were married to your DH.

Rags's picture

She should have been fully versed in those docs during the years leading up to the estrangement.  That likely could have helped prevent the disconnect.  Kids should have the facts.  That prepairs them to mitigate manipulation by your toxic X.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Burn them so she doesn't find them. I am a COD, and there are things that have come out later in my life that I wish I just didn't know. The last thing I would want 20+ years from now is to stumble across divorce papers, emails, etc between my parents that stirred up more feelings without any way of asking what the truth was (and really, even by asking for the truth, maybe not getting it).

Unless those papers can shine a positive light on something, burn it all.

Flustered's picture

I will leave my actual divorce. It spells out all the things heR BF refused to let her do : private HS and college paid by me among them. Papers where I spent monies he refused to : clothes, car / while  my (2nd) DH and I paid them. All the nasty stuff will be gone./ shredded or burned. No emails 25 years ago. It was all paper - handwritten notices for court appearances!
 

She should see the actual divorce and what I was to pay or not/ figure it out, her BF didn't " tell it honestly"/ my DH and I did. It has been a good almost 23 year w/ her, no regrets

advice.only2's picture

So not sure if your stuff is all digital now or what, but unless you have it uploaded somewhere I personally would not burn official documents.  I recently had something come up where I needed to present my divorce decree, did not know it’s missing the second page.  So I went online and found the place that kept the records had burned down with all the files, so my papers that were on file there are gone.  I was able to explain the situation and get an official notice to add with my divorce papers. Personally keep important documents like that somewhere, it’s not like you have to show them to her.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I agree, keep the actual divorce decree, you never know when you may need it. All of the other papers can be burned, but the actual decree itself is something you need to keep.

Rags's picture

Though we have scanned copies of everything CO related, the hard copy originals, tapes, etc, all went into an industrial shredder truck before we went overseas after SS aged out from under the CO.  He had been through it all a number of times researching their lies and manipulations.

The neighborhood we owned a home in at the time would have that shredder service come a couple of times a year.  It was extremely convenient.  Though metal was not allowed, they would shred spiral bound and clip binder note books. The machine did not hiccough at all when a three ring 6" loaded binder went in. In fact, they just tossed loaded file boxes right onto the feeder for shredder.

I have no idea where my divorce decree is.  Prabably in my file cabinette at my parents home.  A 32yo divorce decree I likely will not need. If I need it, I can get a copy from the county court house.

Interestingly I had some anxiety over destroying our Custody/Visitation/Support records. We lived in those so frequently over the 16+ years they were in effect and they were integral to much of our effective SpermClan control and Skid protetion efforts that I had a bit of a visceral reaction to them being shredded.

Unknw

 

Flustered's picture

I was warned not to lose my divorce when I got divorced. You got a copy! Your lawyer got a copy, the county got a copy. Unless you need it for something legal? You can't get copies in NY