I don't think "putting your marriage first" means dismissing children's needs...99.9% of the parents consider how a decision will affect their children, whether SKs or bios?

I wasn't suggesting that the kids shouldn't be a factor in the decision making process...I feel they should but there's going to be resentment when a child becomes THE factor and that decisions will be made based on how it affects that child. I feel the kids should be a consideration but not THE deciding factor.

Also, I think it is poor parenting to make decisions based on what will or won't upset a child. You may be able to produce an insulated little world for your beloved, but at what cost? Your marriage? If it is that important for you to put the desires of your child above all else, then you shouldn't get married.

Making decisions to insulate your child from disappointment is not being a good parent...you're job as a parent is to love them and prepare them for the real world, which will NOT revolve around them, and is filled with disappointment.

It's not a coincidence that many of the children who were "insulated" and "protected" vis a vis guilt parenting are the same children on here who fail to launch. These parents set the expectation long ago...it's the PARENTS job to protect them from the disappointments and hardships of the REAL WORLD whether their 5 or 35.

I love my kids, but I want them to grow up as independent adults who can manage their own lives. If means they'll have to get disappointed along the way, so be it.