These are grown kids in their 30's and on their own.   BM and BH have been divorced for 20+ years and BH see's no reason to deal with BM or have any communication with BM at this point in his life.  But she still doesn't seem to see it that way.  Recently a person (I know who she is basically but have no contact in personal life) caught me out and proceeded to tell me what her daughters friends mothers who is friend of BM, says BM thinks we need to do XYZ to get a long.  I went off on this person and loudly explain that what BM thinks is unimportant and that if people like her would mind their own business there would be less drama in split households. 

I walked away, leaving her standing there with a handful of people looking at us..  Small town, I'm sure they were her BF's too..  Sick of the attitude "we" need to change..  You jump thru hoops they aren't happy, You don't jump thru hoops they still aren't happy..  But stop making effort by disengaging and OMG they squeal like stuffed pigs "we are so abused".  It never ends. 

Beware of the Squeeky Wheel.

Not the Silent dynamite keg waiting with notes to go off.