Bio-Daughters Step Mom Wants To "Be Friends"---Feedback???
DH and I were at my bio-daughters softball game last night. As we were getting ready to leave her SM came up to me and asked if we could talk. I agreed and we went for a short walk. She told me that she thinks its best if we try to be friends so that we can share information about my daughter. The kicker is that she asked me not to tell my daughter that we are friends.
She has been married to my ex for almost three years and I have had problems with her since the beginning. She doesnt allow my ex to talk to me about our daughter, has called numerous times and accused me of things I didnt do, has called me derogatory names in my daughters presence, etc. I would like to be able to be amicable with her because I know what it feels like to be hated by BM but I dont trust her at all. Anyone ever been in this situation that can offer insight or advice?
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Comments
Never been there but... Why
Never been there but...
Why does she feel that she has to be your friend just to share info about your daughter? What info is she wanting to share?
I think it's pretty low of her to want to share info about your daughter while keeping it a secret. Your daughter should be aware that the two of you will be talking if that's the route you choose to take. But also, being that your daughter is only 13, you and her father SHOULD be discussing what is going on in her life too. There should be open communication between the 3 of you when it concerns your child. It sounds to me that she's wanting to control what is going on with your daughter without including your ex.
JMO.
I take it that she wants to
I take it that she wants to share info about things that happen at home and at their house? Im not really too sure. Would you talk to Dad about this before proceeding with SM??? Im not sure if he wants me to talk to him or if he would just rather me talk to his wife??? The whole thing is sooooo strange!
I personally have extended
I personally have extended the olive branch to BM on countless occassions, only to be beat with it in the end, so I gave up. It's much more peaceful now.
I guess I would say welcome her gesture, but stay on guard, particularly if you've had problems with her in the past. Why doesn't she want your daughter to know? Sounds odd to me.
I can see her point. As many
I can see her point. As many of you know most kids already hate their smom as is...if they knew that she would share both good and bad info about her with BM she will resent her more...as many of you know many men do nothing about the behavior of their kids when an smom tells them something. It might be she truly cares and her DH is doing nothing where she probably thinks that you aré a stricter or better parent and feels that telling you will help your daughter. There were many weird things I saw in my DHs kid that I told DH and he did nothing about, but as a mom I would have been very concerned. If her husband finds out he might not like that she's telling you things he did nothing about and cause her problems. I think you need to listen to her, keep it secret and find out what it is she wants you to know in order to help your daughter without later attempting to ruin her marriage or relationship with your daughter. If you don't and it later comes out that something is wrong with your kid and you were not aware, make sure not to blame anyone else. As a smom it must have taken alot out of her to approach you...at least be thankful and respect her for taking that step.
What about things that need
What about things that need to be addressed with my daughter? Do you think its appropriate to take the fall for SM? In this case she went snooping through my daughters phone and wants me to address the things she found but not tell my daughter that she snooped through her phone??? I just dont see how thats possible.
NO, NO, and NO!!!! Do NOT be
NO, NO, and NO!!!!
Do NOT be her "friend" I am the stepmom in my sistuation (well me and BF r not married yet, but we have skids half the time and I am more of a mother) Anyways, BM asked ME if we could "be friends" for the sake of the kids.. I thought, wow, that will make it easier! And it was, for about a month! NOW crazy ass BM is even nuttier then before! A friggin psycho! All they want is to pry into your personal lives and try to get closer to their EXs! Do not allow it! Do not trust her!!!
In my situation, I would love
In my situation, I would love it if BM and I could be friends. I'm not talking best friends. I'm talking "Hey how's it going?" or "How is your job?" I'm talking about sending an email about "what do you think about SS14 doing this?" and those kind of things. It would make going to events and games much easier. Plus in the future when SSs have children, they would be more comfortable with all of us being together for birthdays or holidays or whatever. But that's just my opinion. But my BM is smart and hasn't done a lot of nasty things that others have.
I agree with this -- I'd love
I agree with this -- I'd love to have at least a basic working relationship with the Bio in our situation. It would be so much easier if events, games and other activity coordination could go through me, rather than DH (who tends to forget things...)
Its really not worth it
Its really not worth it ladies!! I tried it, like, "oh cool, me and BM can actually sit together and be coordiual at the games" yea.... It was fun while it lasted.. BMs have no good intentions.. Our BM even did the whole writing me and telling me what a wonderful woman I am to her kids, and she is happy BF is happy, that's all she wants, and I treat her kids so well and BLA BLA BLA!!! Now the bitch is back to calling me a slut and everything else. Fuck her! Sorry, but please please please do not do this!