Guys I'm pissed at DH! But I think I shouldn't really be.... but maybe I should, help me out guys!!!
A few years ago DH told all the girls (SD and DDs) that he would be taking them each on a cruise with just him. That he'll go oldest to youngest because they will eventually be going to college and he doesn't want to miss out on them.... It made sense. He took DD18 on a cruise (she was like 14 or 15 and did online school at the time, and could go during the school year, because she got ahead in some classes, and all was good). But DD17 and SD 17 wouldn't be able to miss school because they attend in person. well, just a few weeks ago, DH got a free offer for a summer cruise, which I thought was perfect because DD17 is LITERALLY going to be going away to college after this summer, perfect chance, and SD still has a year..... well turns out DH asks SD17 to go on the cruise... DH says it's because he's asked DD17 to go on cruises before and she says no because she doesn't want to miss school. and now since he has one for the summer, he can take SD because she wont miss school for a cruise.... what?
It makes me mad because #1 I feel like DD17 should have her chance before she goes off to college... but #2 I feel like this is rewarding SD's atrocious behavior over last summer... I KNOW it's his way of ensuring that he spends SOME time with SD this summer as apposed to the last 2 summers when SD just left.
I KNOW DDs aren't his daughters, but he CALLS them his daughters, says that he's their only dad (which is true, their dad ran out on them), and that he loves them and treats him like his daughters.... SOOOOO it just kinda sets the tone that he looks at them like they are his... but then he goes and does THIS, and it's like... what? It just kinda blind sided me, and I feel like I don't REALLY have the right to be mad, because it's his trip, and he can take who he wants, but I feel like all his "they are my daughters, I look at them like they're my daughters" is all bull shit, and I've been lied to... please help, I DON'T want to feel this way, I feel like he should do what he wants, but ARGH!!!!!!
I agree that he should be
I agree that he should be able to put his bio kid first, BUT, he should have talked to you and discussed what the plan was for a trip with DD17 (since he did take DD18 on one.)
this would probably have made
this would probably have made me feel better. I just feel like he's telling SD she can treat everyone horrendously (still hasn't apologized for EVERYTHING from last summer) and he'll treat her wil a special trip, while the kids who love and respect him can go suck an egg
Have you told him this?
Have you told him this?
I wanted to post here first
I wanted to post here first to vent and clear my head before i talked to him, I'm glad i did!i got other view points so that i don't come off so defensive.
HUN
How do you think DD17 will take this? Did she expect to be next because SD is a year behind?
Yea I totally get SD is his bio BUT he is the one who said he would take all the girls, and he treats your bios like his own. I feel sorry for DD17, unless she really doesnt care.
Also because SD has bad behavior thats salt in the wound to everyone else who tows the line.
Ya know I would be perplexed and hurt by this decision.
Rewarding bad behavior
Im guilty of this with SD15. But just recently got a rude awakening.
New year, newly reinforced boundaries.
I hear and understand your
I hear and understand your frustration. I also understand that he is rewarding crappy behavior in SD-17.
However, do not think he put any of these thoughts into his decision. He probably didn't put any thought into it beyond, SD-17 turned down his previous cruise offers and he still owes her one. As he does with your DD's.
Don't undermine his efforts with his DD-17. Just make sure he understands that he has to be extremely flexible in accommodating your daughters on each of their Dad/Daughter cruises with him.
Just my thoughts of course.
So i discussed this with DH,
So i discussed this with DH, and he kept saying that dd already turned down so many, but i explained that sd would have too if they were DURING the school year, that i felt that dd should have at least been CONSIDERED. He agreed and felt awful, and asked her if she'd like to go on a cruise this summer with just him as well, she said yes! So he's booked another cruise to go on with her.
I really appreciate everyone's Outlook on this, it really helped me look at things differently, and i was able to talk to my husband with out any hurt feelings or strong emotions.