Low patience
I know some of you will criticize me and tell me how much I suck. But I need to vent.
my SD10 is driving me nuts!! She refuses to do anything on her own. She constantly needs to be around us. She won't do anything on her own. If she is reading.. she won't do it in her room where it's quite.... she'll insist on sitting between us on the couch while we watch tv. Like she CONSTANTLY needs to be touching, poking, or laying on one of us. (Mostly to my DH).
It's so frustrating cause sometimes I would like to be able to hangout or talk with my husband without her needing to constantly insert herself into whatever we are doing. It's like dealing with a clingy toddler in a 10 year olds body.
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Comments
Why would we tell you how
Why would we tell you how much you suck? That sounds annoying. Does your DH set limits on it? She shouldn't be allowed to behave that way.
Usually when I vent, there is
Usually when I vent, there is always someone who wants to make sure to lay it out on how mean and cold I am.
Oh, well - delete their
Oh, well - delete their response if it's just cruel and not helpful in any way.
I know
My situation is different from yours but I empathize. Some of these kids dont have anybody else and attach themselves (in your case literally) to us. I'm not young like you, I'm 76, but just got off the phone with SD60 who asked to come over tomorrow because she's depressed, wants to be around somebody and there's nobody else in her life. If you have low patience, so do I.
I wonder if she is like this with her BM? Sigh... I agree 10 years is a little old for this.
Contact with BM is limited to
Contact with BM is limited to supervised visits that only happen about once a year.
she has been going through phases where sometimes she doesn't want to be around us at all (and I'm okay with that) and other times she's like a tick that's latched on and won't let go.
there is nothing in between. It's suffocating.
she's not actually doing anything wrong... she's not not giving attitude, or not listening. She just Insists on being in the same room at all times. I'm waiting for her to follow one of us into the bathroom. Good lord I have had enough
No wonder
With her seeing BM so little, it's no wonder she's doing this. Sad. How does your BF feel about it? Im trying to flash back to my 10yo self and think how I"d feel. Probably confuzed, probably feeling, " What did I do wrong".
Both my SDs went through this
Both my SDs went through this. I just removed myself from the area and did my own thing. OR I would sit in a chair near the couch, but not on the couch with them.
DH eventually got tired of it and made sure the SDs understood his limits (they never latched onto me so I let him deal with it).
To be fair, with everything
To be fair, with everything she has been through with BM and the lack of socialization because of the pandemic, I understand her need to be around people. And to deny her that is only going to hurt her more. But OMG it does not make her clinginess is still annoying
He should still set limits on
He should still set limits on it. She can ask for time with him in healthier ways. And she needs to learn how to soothe herself as well.
Although I've not had to deal
Although I've not had to deal with ss12 and his presence for a while now due to his jealousy of our new baby I can relate to how annoying it can be. He always has this whiny baby voice that he does with dh to get his way. It makes me cringe when I hear him scamming his dad with it. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I understand how it is not to be able to say anything because if you do you're the evil step mother. The only way I seen any peace was to disengage. Not that dh didn't fight me on that too though. Ughh
OP, is your SD in therapy?
OP, is your SD in therapy? Sounds like she could use it. Not having mom around is a trauma to be sure, but she can learn healthier coping skills. Also, I will assume BM has mental health issues, so it would be good to get ahead of any genetic issues that are coming out.
this!
this!
Your husband needs to start
Your husband needs to start teaching her some independence. Even if she is in the same room, she doesn't have to sit between the two of you, on the couch.
Being without a mother is not easy and I agree, she needs to talk to someone about that.
You don't suck and can see how annoying this would be, but your husband needs to do something to help his daughter.
She's at an age where she
She's at an age where she should be more interested in peer relationships. Try to get her to have a friend over, or better yet, see if she wants to go to a friend's house.
My SSs were both like this
My SSs were both like this with DH. They would follow him around like ducklings and were always in his personal space. They would even try to listen in on conversations DH and I had until DH told them to buzz off. Now they are almost 16, so one is "too cool", but the other one still constantly has to be in DH's orbit. We'll be in the kitchen and he'll be sitting right there...but watching loud YouTube videos on his phone. He'll even sit next to DH while DH is watching tv, sometimes physically touching DH, but then watch YouTube loudly on his phone. I have to ask him to turn it down or leave the room because we can't hear the tv over his YouTube.
It's annoying for sure. I usually leave the room.