Might see SD14 for Christmas for the first time ever, of course I'm suspicious
My middleSIL(Formerly the nice one until she played a cruel prank on SD) was texting me about gifts for our kids, and then she not so subtly let it slip that meddlesome SIL was getting SD14 for Christmas.
In all the years I've known DH he has NEVER seen SD for Christmas, he's lucky if she'll see him before new years, oftentimes we do Christmas with her on MLK weekend and one year she didn't get her Christmas gift until around Easter! He's also never seen his family on Christmas Eve or day, he's an adult and he just doesn't care all that much to see them.
I would be surprised if meddlesomeSIL actually did get her, but that would be just like BM and SD, to only agree to Christmas when someone other than DH asks. BM and SD are ignoring DH right now. It really doesn't make any sense at all that this year when SD wants nothing to do with DH and is refusing to talk to him worse than ever that this would be the year that we would have Christmas all together with her and the in laws. It feels like a test.
My SILs often exclude me from planning things, but this time they're including me and excluding DH. Why do they want me to tell him they will have SD for Christmas? Is it because they know he gets annoyed with them getting in the middle of custody? Are they trying to get me to invite the entire family to our house for Christmas because I can't say no when they have SD? Hes put them at a distance but they're trying to use SD and the holiday to come back in. We're LC with them and give very political noncommittal answers, in the end he needs to work this out with HIS family.
Of course now I worry they will somehow be here for Christmas and we don't have gifts for all his family members or SD yet. It feels like a set up because they all want to be here to witness if it's fair between our BDs and SD. As in my previous post DH likes to take SD shopping if he has no idea for gifts but if the in laws all show up it would look really bad not to have anything for SD to open.
Since we usually see his family sometime in January it's never too big of a rush for us to buy gifts.
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Comments
Stop playing into their games
Stop playing into their games. If I were in Your shoes I'd bow out completely for the holidays. No gifts, no visits, nothing. Unless you want to keep doing this every year, send the message now that you are done. Follow your husband's stance and be distant. You can do nothing right in their eyes so just stop trying. You will find much peace after is all said and done.
if they broach coming over
if they broach coming over say "I'm sorry, we're very booked with other plans this Christmas time. I wished you'd mentioned this ahead of time. Maybe we can all go have a nice lunch out in January when things aren't so hectic."
And why put tons of money into a child who can't even be polite to you? giftcard for $25. to a book store and a t-shirt from Old Navy. I mean... how would anyone expect you to know what she likes or doesn't like? she can't act nice so oh well!
I'm going to take this advice
I'm going to take this advice, everything except suggesting a time in Jan.
Or replace the in January
Or replace the in January part with "sometime".
Agree with the above.
Agree with the above.
Don't get involved in any discussion with them about Christmas or SD.
Be polite and very guarded....if they come right out and ask, day something like thanks for your interest, however we have firm plans for Christmas"
Then suggest something like a lunch at a cafe after the New Year.
Great Advice
Can't add anything more. Just don't participate in the games.