How do you deal with the invasion of privacy while in the court process?
Obviously we knew that we would have to share things during the whole court process but how do you deal with the HCBM knowing all of your business?
My husband was diagnosed with Aspergers but before that he had a misdiagnosis of NPD. We knew this wasn't right (he has zero signs of narcissism) and his therapist explained that sometimes people with autism get misdiagnosed because there are some things that both struggle with (like empathy) and he officially diagnosed him with autism level 1 and stated that there are key differences between the two and my husband presents those characteristics of autism NOT NPD.
HCBM knows about his diagnosis of Autism but not the entire history leading up to this. So, HCBM keeps asking for his whole medical background. We of course said no. They took it in front of a judge and I can't even believe it but the judge okayed mom having all of dad's medical history since there is a diagnosis. I was completely shocked. Literally never heard of this.
So, she is going to see that and completely abuse him over that. Even though it was a misdiagnosis, she will act as though it isn't and torture him!
She just digs into everything and I feel like we have zero privacy. She uses everything and anything to hurt my husband and YES he has had a lot of struggles because of her relentless abuse.
I don't really care if this stuff gets out there. I'm super proud of him for doing all he has done to be the best dad and husband he can be and faces his struggles. He was abused as a kid. Severely abused by HCBM and has worked through a lot of struggles. He has taken his mental health and made it a priority. He has been going to therapy to heal his last trauma and I swear I am so impressed by his progress it blows my mind!
on the other end we have this insanely HCBM who for sure has a personality disorder or something. No mentally healthy person does the things she does. But, because she won't recognize her own struggles and thinks she's perfect, she won't get the help she desperately needs. So she had no therapy or anything. (Because according to her she is perfect and doesn't need it)
So, my husband takes care of his mental health, gets the help he needs to heal from the trauma of her abuse, gets a diagnosis of autism and is in SUCH a good place but because he did this and has this on paper it will be used against him. While the abuser, the sick one, the actually narcissist looks like the stable one??
I am still in complete shock that she gets his personal info and there is nothing we can do because the judge ordered it. How in the world does this benefit the kids??? Of course HCBM is saying he's an awful father, he has all sorts of issues blah blah but she has no proof (because it's all lies of course) but now she's going to have all of his info and just create more stories around this.
This is literally the worst thing that could have happened to us. Thanks a lot judge for giving the abuser all the weapons she needs to further abuse him. Grrrrr!!!! We are about to live an even worse nightmare then we have been which is hard to believe but HCBM is going to be in her glory over this. I feel violated for myself, for my husband. I feel like we can't have anything in our lives that she doesn't feel like she has a right to and now the judge just fed her ego and her "I get whatever I want and I have a right to control their lives" mentality. I am not dealing with this well.
Can he appeal that decision?
Can he appeal that decision?
Nope. Judge ordered it. I
Nope. Judge ordered it. I honestly have never heard of such a thing.
I think it's important to
I think it's important to point out that BM never even suspected your dh's diagnosis despite living with him for years. It's also important to note that aspergers is not uncommon among certain groups that are highly Intelligent (mathematicians, engineers). Tell her to use the correct terminology,
Well of course she is saying
Well of course she is saying she knew something was "wrong with him" the whole time they were married. Well, yeah people with autism have a different way about them in certain aspects. Big deal! It's those things that I live most about him. He's honest and loyal. He's insanely smart and thinks outside the box. He's funny as hell. I hate that because he is not what she thinks he should be she states there's something "wrong with him" And of course she knew it all along. Omg.
So she didn't know he had
So she didn't know he had something "wrong" with him? So why did she marry someone she hardly knew? How desperate was she to have a man?
They were together for 6
They were together for 6 years before they got married. Lol! She knew him. She said she can't be blamed for mistakes she made in her 20's. Lol
So her marriage and her
So her marriage and her children were mistakes?
All of his medical records, or just mental health?
All of his medical records, or just mental health? Absolutely agree that her medical records should be requested. It is common when one side asks for drug tests that both sides submit them. I would think this would be the same.
I would think your attorney should try and limit the scope of what is provided. No way would I let any details of actual talk therapy be admitted into court proceedings.
Is this lawsuit worth
Is this lawsuit worth continuing? What exactly do you expect to get out of it?
Nope. It's not. But we are
Nope. It's not. But we are almost at the end so quit now snd it will be for nothing. Might as well as least try at this point. That would be like quitting the marathon right before the finish line. We have come this far. Might as well follow through ya know?
Your sanity and dignity might
Your sanity and dignity might be a good reason to quit now. I promise the finish line is not as close as you think.
Well I mean it's never going
Well I mean it's never going to be over. We quit now and she's just going to drag us back in with more accusations because she will say we quit because we are hiding something and she is "concerned for the kids on what this could mean"
She would bring us back to court anyway. Right now we NEED a court order. We NEED a child support adjustment. This had to be done but believe me...after this...no matter what the outcome? Once we have that court order any more bull that comes our way we will not fight like this.
But - you aren't going to get
But - you aren't going to get that court order right away. She's going to stall, delay, accuse and alienate to draw it out. And there is no guarantee the new child support order will be any better. Do you pay to 18 in your state?
The Judge said that it was
The Judge said that it was okay for BM to have those records. That is not a ruling that DH has to actually share them with BM. If I were your side, i would stand on HIPPA and refuse regardless of what the moron in the idiot Harry Potter robes slinging the Fishcer-Price hammer has to say about it.
As for privacy, We took the overwhelm the Judge with every byte of information possible and we shared it all with the dipshits in the blended family opposition. We had already uncovered just about any juicy nugget of stupidity and moral bankruptcy in the entire history of the SpermClan so for us it was a proud blaring of how upstanding we were and how deep the shit filled cesspool of their genetic refuse stretched. So, we provided reams of information including a shit ton of information on THEM.
They brought 5 sheets of paper which was 4 recent check stubs and a utility bill to prove address.
We then spent hours peeling the onion on their information proving that the DipShitiot lived in SpermGrandHag's and SpermGrandPa's rental property rent free, they paid his CS obligation for support of our son, and they paid his half of visitation travel.
When they motioned for my income to be included in CS calculations, we counter motioned for the SpermGrandHag's and SpermGrandPa's income to be added to their idiot son's income for CS calculation purposes.
The Judge consodered our motion since we had proved that SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa significantly augmented the Spermidiots income and rejected theirsbecause State regulations specifically exclude SParent income from CS calculations.
SpermGrandHag about stroked out over that ruling. It was classic.
Of course our motion was ultimately denied and the court did reduce the Spermidiot's income by $1000/mo for CS calculation purposes due to "StepDad's significant income increases thechild's life style that BioDad should not be penalized to excessivley support." So the Judge invoked the max income reduction which reduced the max level of his CS by ....... $50/mo
So, as much as it pisses me off that that genetic sludge puddle benefited even one Cent from my success, it had no material impact on lowering their CS as CS increased by almost 600%. Though with that $50 reduction removed CS would have gone up by more than 700%.
So, redact anything meaningful, leave the shit that will piss her off to no end, and play the overwhelm them with data game. If her attorney reads it all, she will get a giant bill for legal fees.It costs you nothing.
We redacted pretty much everything but the net pay numbers, investment balances, etc, etc, etc... and enjoyed every second of them trying to do anything with it while the Judge smacked them around for their idiot requests. They submitted only a fraction of what was required. The beatings they took for that were early as fun as them losing their shit over the ~600% increase in CS while looking at how much we made in comparison. The cherry on top was when the judge would ask them for a document and they would play the .... "Um, we don't have that." and my wife would chime up with "I have it your Honor. Here you go." and provide the Judge with the very document and information on them that they claimed not to have or know anything about.
Have fun!
He will be in contempt if he
He will be in contempt if he doesn't do it. I am in utter shock that they okayed this.
Maybe he should just be in
Maybe he should just be in contempt for once. After all, she's been there often enough and nothing happened. Could he counte with offering a psychological evaluation if she submits to it too? He needs to stop being so passive.
I agree!!! He doesn't want to
I agree!!! He doesn't want to do this! Believe me. But his attorney keeps telling him to do it. She's supposedly the best of the best out there too.
Nope, I would make destroying
Nope, I would make destroying the career of that POS Harry Potter robe wearing moron my life's greatest focus.
File complaints with the State Bar, etc, etc, etc......
Another hill that I would die on.
I did it with our moron in the robes and was contacted and asked not to run a full page add highlighing the robed moron's idiocy. In jurisdictions where Judges are elected, there is action that people can take to make their point very firmly with these gavel slinging dumb asses.
Biostep7777
Biostep7777
Why is dh and bm in court?, to establish a court order?
Yes. They had an agreement.
Yes. They had an agreement. She doesn't follow it at all. After years of abuse he finally decided to take her to court for a CO.
Has DH considered that divorce records are public?
Has DH considered that divorce records are public? Once his medical records are introduced, that become public. I realize this varies by jurisdiction - but has his lawyer addressed this aspect at all? What kind of damage to other parts of DH's life will BM be able to do with those records?
I agree with what was said above, he should refuse to turn over his medical records and see what happens.
Thanks Biostep7777
Thanks Biostep7777
I would say NO to their request of records too.
For goodness sake, this is
For goodness sake, this is family court not a criminal case! What is the point in HIPAA if it gets flouted all the time? I would not be giving up this information but I would volunteer for a psychiatric evaluation ... providing, of course, that bm is subject to one too.
Frankly, I do not understand why a custody case would be considered important enough to remove your rights to privacy. Now, if your DH were being tried for murder ...