So tomorrow is the day my girl Weimy is getting spayed.  She is 3.5 yrs old-we've navigated many heats with our intact male and know how to avoid unwanted pups- we have it down to a science and only 1 week of the 3 is the hellish one.  But it's time, it's been long enough, she's old enough -growth plates close by 2yrs- She had a false pregnancy this last heat and of course risk of pyometra the older she gets.

It's been a huge ordeal finding the right place for her as she also needs a hernia repair at the same time.  My vet charges around 1K which is outrageous.  I found another vet a friend recommended she uses for all her pets (rescues and feral cats also) but the place was super sketchy, super unprofesional and after telling they would accept a titer for her distemper/parvo the day of she told me she wouldn't.  I left.  So glad I didn't leave her with them.  Found another place by coincidence looking for the low spay/neuter clinic- it was a couple blocks away.  Had her consult last week.  SUCH a different experience, loved the vet, the staff, facilities, very affordable. They accepted the titer no problem.  Because of how stressed she gets at vet (hyperventilates, pants, paces, whines) he is making an exception and I don't have to just drop her off and leave.  He is having me come when he arrives and I can be in the room with her until she is sedated with no time wasted and then I can go. and pick her up that evening.  He is the one that noticed how stressed she was during the consult.  The odd thing is she was super nervous while waiting but once he was in the room after 5 mins her shaking/panting stopped -so that made me feel good.  My SD drove me there as DH had my car.  We had a nice time.  

I just can't shake my fears of something going wrong and losing her.  I know it's my own issues with anxiety/depression and I just need to trust it.  So her and I have been super bonding and sharing great moments and snuggles and I just can't help but be so worried.

I have a surgical suit for her when she comes back to keep her from going for stitches.  Her crate is ready and I wil lmake sure to walk her in backyard for potty so she doesn't try to jump/run and keep my male crated so she doesn't try to roughhouse/play with him at first.   I really wish I could put my worry/stress to rest -my nails are down to the nub and made them bleed.   This sucks.  I love her so much and would just not forgive myself if anything happens to her.   Dh and I are just NOT getting along as usual these days- he's saying he's going with me to drop her off but I'll put money on it that he won't.