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HELP am I going insane!

Wishingitgetsbetter's picture

Submitted by Wishingitgetsbetter on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 9:13am

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General Discussion

Okay, hi everyone. My Sk (boy 16 and girl 20), came to stay with us for 2 weeks, and I got the rath of hell brought done on me by my SO. Apparently, them (skids), staying in the guest rooms the whole time is my fault because I "didn't entertain" them enough. My SD asked me to drive her around aimlessly so she could look at trees and I said no. My SS wanted me to do his laundry and I said No. My SO worked the entire time they were here so apparently. It was up to me to keep them busy. We live on 40 acres with atvs and trails. I did tell them to go outside one day because I had to clean (their mother doesn't and they brought that standard of living here). And then my SD texted my SO and told him I was "forcing"them to be outside.  My SS only wanted to talk about guns, and well, that terrifies me. Am I in the wrong for not entertaining my SK while they were here? They are not my children!  

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 9:52am

They are there to visit your SO not you.  He should be off work for the two weeks to entertain them.  If you needed to cover for an emergency, maybe but not for the full 2 week visit.

Besides, your skids don't like you so nothing you do would be good enough.

 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 9:54am

  1. These are not children and are capable of entertaining themselves. 
  2. They are not your kids and not your responsibility 
  3. They came to see their father. If he isn't there, they shouldn't be either. 
  4. If they want to be entertained, they can go to work with your SO or he can take time off to "play" with them. 
  5. You are entitled to have a life of your own. 

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 3:07pm

I find it disturbing that the little snowflakes felt entitled to tattle on you expecting DH to take their side...and he did.  He doesn't respect you.

 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 2:46pm

DH used to leave me with his precious little princess when he went fishing.

I didnt have much of a life then.

I used to invite SD15 Backstabber to go with me shopping or for mani-pedis. After schoolgate where she backstabbed me, I do not do ANYthing for her anymore and certainly do not invite her anywhere or feel ANY kind of obligation to entertain her. She used to complain when she got "bored", and finally DH got upset with her and she keeps quiet about "being bored".

Its NOT your job to entertain those kids, they arent yours.

Do NOt fall into that trap.

Losingit321's picture

Submitted by Losingit321 on Wed, 08/18/2021 - 7:33am

None of them have the right to expect you to entertain them for 2 weeks.. they are all amost grown.  Be glad you don't have them that much- but this isn't your job.  You are not the parent your DH is.  I will never understand why people think we should be perfectly happy doing things with THIER offspring.  It's not right and it's a double standard. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 2:48pm

Sounds like you're damned if you do damned if you don't. You are expected to read the minds of 3 people and anticipate all of their wants and needs. 

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 4:39pm

At 16 and 20?  TWENTY? 

No would be my final answer. Why does she have visitation at age 20?!

Wishingitgetsbetter's picture

Submitted by Wishingitgetsbetter on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 6:39am

It's not visitation its a holiday and time to spend with her dad (my SO), and when she was here I got hell for not entertaining her. Same with the 16 SS. Its not visitation its a holiday for them as they do not live with us. They choose not too. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 7:56am

It's absolutely not your job to entertain them. Your duh should be ashamed of himself, it's a rare occasion when his kids come to see him and he can't even be arsed to take the time off? Pathetic! 

Loxy's picture

Submitted by Loxy on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 5:32pm

I'm guessing you don't see the skids very often given they stay in guests rooms as opposed to their own rooms at your house? If so, then why hasn't your DH taken the time off work to be with them? I also don't understand anyone who is happy to only see their kids for a few weeks each year. I get that custody is a lot more complex and unfair in the US (here in Australia shared custody is the norm if that's what both parents want) but seeing your kids once a year does not make you a parent and you cannot be actively involved in their lives which I find very sad. 

Honestly, your DH doesn't sound like a great guy and I would question why you are with him? 

Wishingitgetsbetter's picture

Submitted by Wishingitgetsbetter on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 6:36am

It is the Skids choice not to come up, we live 5 hours away and they haven't wanted to come see him. We drive to get them when they decide to see their dad. When they finally did, that (above) is what I went through when they were here. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 7:51am

So they finally decided to visit their father (no doubt for basely selfish and financial reasons) and he has more important things to do than spend time with them. My, what a loving family! 

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 2:48pm

Why does your DH give them the choice?  If I was him, I would be slapping BM with a contempt motion every time she fails to surrender the kids per the visitation schedule.  

Kids do not get to just not show up for visitation.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 7:59am

You are not their entertainment. You aren't their parent, either. They are adults (well, one is and the other is close.) Your husband is being a delusional jerk.