Would you marry a single parent?
If you had it to do all over again, would you marry someone who still has dependent children from a previous relationship?
I personally am not surprised that DH's long-term relationships prior to me were with women who did not have children of their own. This make sense to me now because I can see that he wanted someone to play mother for his children without him having to play father to hers.
Unfortunately in this day & age it seems you might be hard-pressed to meet someone who doesn't have children unless they are much younger or much older empty nesters. Of course the younger might WANT children one day or the empty nester's adult children may boomerang placing you still in a blended family situation, or there's a REASON the person doesn't have children like they don't want children or have lost children to CPS or alienating Xs, which could present a whole new set of problems entirely.
My thought at this point is if DH & I divorce I will simply never marry again. Although sometimes difficult I just think I'm also a better parent as a single, and that way if I choose to date I'm not limited to the childless, but rather can choose to restrict our interaction with each other's children to that which is similar a grandparent... hang out & have fun when we want, then when it's over everyone goes to their respective homes with their respective parents!
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If I had it to do all over
If I had it to do all over again and I was guareenteed to get the same children DH and I have together (which is not likely) than no I wouldn't but to get the children I have with DH I would. I know I want a lot deeper with this then you probaly wanted me to go so sorry....lol
I agree, I wouldn't trade 1yo
I agree, I wouldn't trade 1yo BS I share w/DH for the world, but I do feel a bit disappointed in myself in bringing a child into this situation.
I agree with you. It is hard
I agree with you. It is hard on my children beacuse of the fact that my children have not had the opportunity to have a full relationship with their siblings. My two BD love their siblings and my BS have maybe seen them in person 10 times and he is 6 and my youngest BD only have seen them in person twice and she is almost two. She recognizes them from pics but that is pretty much the extent of their relationship. I find it extremely sad that DH won't take BM to court but what can you do.
I know what you mean. I
I know what you mean. I really want another baby, a girl, but have accepted that I won't have that with DH and therefore probably never have it (because i'm no spring chicken!), so I would definitely be open to dating a single father with a little girl I could spoil then send her home to her BM!
No you don't have to be a
No you don't have to be a Catholic to be a monk. You could be a Budist monk. Heck, start your own monestary and brew some great beer. St Steve of the Barley Pop. I would join.
Best regards,
If I had it to do over I
If I had it to do over I wouldn't have married dh. I love him but I can't stand his lack of parenting with his youngest he wasn't/ isn't like that with his oldest which is how I thought he'd parent
NO! Sorry, you grabbed in a
NO!
Sorry, you grabbed in a moment in which I'm not exactly very "happy"... 
Let me preface this by saying
Let me preface this by saying that I love my DH very much...but if I had to go back and do it again differently, I would. In fact, if I had a time machine, and could go back in time knowing then what I know now, I probably would never even DATE a single parent. It IS hard to find someone who doesn't want to have kids these days, my last relationship before I met DH ended because he wanted kids (and was much older than me, so his biological clock was ticking) and I didn't. I'm a person who knew at a very young age that I never wanted to have kids of my own, but I thought step-kids would be okay as long as the guy didn't have primary custody of them. I. Was. Wrong. My SS's are so hard to deal with, I seriously can't even tolerate their presence anymore. I've been with DH for 6 years, and it's only gotten harder. Let me tell ya, I found out the hard way that just because I'm not their mom, and just because we don't have them all the time, it doesn't lessen the responsibility any, and it still affects daily life. I like kids, but I get my kid fix at work, where I go and spend 40 hours/week and give the kids back to their parents at the end of the day. Now I'm stuck for life, but eventually they will grow up and leave the house. Hopefully they'll move across the country and all we'll have to do is send some money once in a while.
Boogeymom - I felt compelled
Boogeymom - I felt compelled to reply to you because I have read several of your posts and I feel your pain. I have been with my DH for 7 years. I have a BD14 from a previous relationship. I have 3 skids - SS12, SD11, SS9. And we have 2 children together - BS6, BD4. SS12 was diagnosed with ADHD (crazy hyper and obssessive)a few years back and SS9 was diagnosed with ADD (not hyper but ...). I absolutely would NOT do this again. I love my little ones, but I feel confident I would have had more kids even if it was not with my DH. I grew up in a blended family, so I knew it would be hard the first few years and I was realistic regarding my expectations of "love." But I truly underestimated how HARD it is to deal with a crazy ex who lives by the seat of her pants and to incorporate these unruly creatures into our household part-time. As if trying to blend a family isn't hard enough, ADHD/ADD just make it that much harder. Plus therapist recommended SS12 to have a full spych eval after a bad incident at school last year. During the prelim, the dr. suggested that they prepare for possible Aspbergers - however, BM decided the dr. was crazy and refused to turn in her eval so the dr. could not finalize report. SS9 is VERY behind for his age. He has very unreasonable reactions to little things - tantrums, aggression. And SS9 has recently started bullying my little ones. I was planning on cutting back my hours this fall, but now I am thinking that maybe I should just re-allocate some of those hours to every other weekend
If I knew then what I know
If I knew then what I know now.....the answer would be absolutely no. I would not have married my DH. These last three and a half years have been hell on earth. I would only wish them back onto Uberskank.
I would have put on my
I would have put on my running shoes and ran as fast as possible in the opposite direction.
While I love DH dearly, I'd
While I love DH dearly, I'd only do it over if SD (26) was living on her own and self reliant. It's a challenge enough being married, and you would think that adult children would be mature and excited in planning and living their own lives, but sadly that's not always the case. :sick:
I did it once. I would do it
I did it once. I would do it again. Hey, at least you know that the ones with kids put out.
The kids after all are sex trophies right?
Just kidding of course .... at least on the sex trophy and single mom's putting out part.
I would do it again though. Being married to my incredible wife and raising our son (my SS) have been the most rewarding experiences in my life.
Best regards,
If I could do over, I would
If I could do over, I would never get involved and marry a man who already had a kid. My husband is 10 years older than me, so if I had stuck to someone my age when I met him, this most likely never would have happened. Otherwise I would have had to met my husband before he met his ex-wife, so I would have been 15 or 16 when he was 25 or 26.
I am depressed because of the situation and wouldn't wish this kind of conflict on anyone . . . loving your husband and not being able to stand your stepkid . . . and having a children with your husband only to make leaving a harder option.
"I cans see that he wanted
"I cans see that he wanted someone to play mother to his children, without having to play father to theirs" OMG my DH has a TWIN!!! My problem is more with the day to day stuff. As an EOW SM, I could handle it. Doing it day to day with one that's Bi-polar, the other thats 1/2 way normal but I can't protect him, with a H that likes to bury his head in the sand. So if I could do it again, no I wouldn't do it w/someone who was primary parent. I wish someone had told me it was gonna be this hard, all I want is a marriage, and it's the last thing I get, it's all drama, drama, drama.