Different perspectives
I am in a group on Facebook for estrangement support. There are a lot of parents who have been estranged from their children in this group. But last night a young woman posted who wants to estrange from her daddeeee. He lives 4 miles away. She is in her mid20s. He is remarried to SM and they have 3 kids. This young lady was furious that her dad had a new life. Apparenlty this DH has a spine and told the daughter that if she wants to be around, she has to get along with SM and kids. She texted him needing something and he did not respond immediately, so then she sent him nasty messages. Guess who gets blamed? SM. Daughter says that SM must be so glad that she is out of daddee's life.
Interesting to read that perspective straight from the horses mouth. I don't understand this perspective. My dad is remarried. I like my SM fine and she has a son who lives next door. They are all very close - I am fine with that. I talk to my dad about once a month (and this has been true since I moved out of the house as a young person). The emeshment is hard for me to get. My dad has his life and I have mine.
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Well for me I am dealing with
Well for me I am dealing with a guilty DH who is trying to "one up" BM for being the better parent. To him wanting SD to constantly check in where she is as well as text and call morning noon AND night every single day makeshim care and love his daughter more than BM does (BARF). I know it is so wrong but there is nothing I can say or do. I just hope he realizes that once shes 18 to keep things they way they are will be harmful to her inthe long run. (although I think the damage is already done and I shudder to see how she will be with her first boyfirend)
How did the Facebook group
How did the Facebook group respond to her? I feel like Facebook groups wouldn't give the same "advice" we get here.
I personally am not (and wouldn't join) in any Facebook groups.
supported her
The replies supported her. Said they were all toxic and she should stay away from them.
So what's the purpose of that
So what's the purpose of that group then? Supporting the reason they are there...?
Eveyones situation is different.. maybe the dad DID start a new life .. from what you describe though sounds like an adult whiny skid.
I was curious about that
I was curious about that myself.
Facebook Groups
Sounds like she got the support she was looking for.
But also sounds like a toxic Skid. Hard to know from a post in a group.
I posted on reddit once about
I posted on reddit once about my decision to keep DD3 away from SD 22 who she has never met. This was once during a weak phase when DH was considering bringing up the topic with SD that she has never met her half-sister (personally I think SD would never acknowledge DD while BM is still alive). So it was more a fight between me and DH stuck in his blind hopeful optimistic ways. While there where some former children of divorce loudly stating that it happened to them, they were introduced to their much older half-siblings at a young age and it went horribly for them - so don't do it. They were in the minority and their real life testimonies ignored. Most of the people insisted that I was a horrible controlling person for denying DH his opportunity to offer DD up like some sort of sacrificial lamb in his attempt to force two strangers to bond. "Family is family" I was told by people who'd never experienced steplife ever.
You know you are not the
You know you are not the reason for DH's behavior. He is and he needs to make that clear to SD that she is an adult now and the parent relationship evolves. That means he respects her privacy and time and she does the same for him. Temper tantrums ( that's what she is doing) are very unattractive in adult women and will make her life difficult if she keeps them up.
He needs to set her straight. He needs to not throw you under the bus or allow her to. You have nothing to do with their relationship. The most important thing he needs to make clear is that she will respect you as his wife and as an adult. Nothing more is expected , I doubt you will ever form a friendship with her (but miracles do happen.) Until she can act Accordingly, he can see her outside of the home.