And i though it was a good week-end ...
In my last post, i talked about last SS visit and how things gone well with him.
He seemed to enjoy the weekend his father planned to him (activities, gift for good grades etc..). Plus, we decided to cut off his phone (last post for more details) and he said that it was great
This morning, DH called BM to know how was SS after this great weekend. And he was absolutely shocked by the answer.
SS said to BM that his father was so tired he spent the weekend sleepling and ignoring him. That he did nothing with us, and that it was so boring.
He asked her mother to do something about the cellphone for next visitation.
Smartly she answered that she can't do anything about dad rules. And she didn't trust SS words about the weekend. She said to DH "you know how he is, don't focus on that". Well...... yes we are focusing on that !!!
He is so manipulative, victim oriented, liar etc.. i can't belive it. This boy has two faces ! He is only 9 and capable of the worst things.
Thanks gof i got the idea of video recording all his moment with us. This boy is a danger
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It sounds like Mom's on to
It sounds like Mom's on to his lies too. I'd stop asking and if a issue arises, you have the tapes. Keep taking the phone, your house, your rules. Keep taping, lying liars gonna lie so you have to protect your home. I'd also confront him with his lies. "Why did you tell your mom lies about your time here?" don't go over the lies, just ask the question then drop it.
How to deal with lies ? Do we
How to deal with lies ? Do we have to discuss it with him ? I don't want to make him feel important thanks to lies, but by the contrary, i don't want to normalize it just like it was okay to tells lies about his father and i. So i'm not sure how to deal with that.
And of course, we'll stop asking BM. The answer always upset us
He's figured out that his
He's figured out that his stories please MIL and SIL so he tells them his lies. He has to retell them to Mom because she is his pathway to MIL and SIL. I'd mention them to him, without anger and dram. Just a bland statement from Dad saying "we are confused about your lies about last weekend." then drop it. You're still calling them out but you're not accepting excuses and you're not feeding his need for drama. My thinking is that at this point, liars gonna lie but Dad saying he knows the lies and then changing the subject takes away the drama feed the child is used to. I wish BM would stop sending him into the drama fest but you cannot control her actions. Definitely keep taking the phone away. I'm thinking his request to mom to get it back when w/ you came from MIL ad SIL not him.
We had something similar with
We had something similar with SS9 when he was here for two weeks a few weeks back. We had an awesome time with SS. We went camping, he had friends sleep over, we went to a museum, he built a box fort, we had nightly movie nights. And day after pick up, we received an email from BM that SS accused us of hurting him and that I was eavesdropping on all of his phone calls with BM. We were shocked too because neither of these things happened.
At least your BM sounds like she is onto SS. Ours accused us of the abuse and when we told her it was a lie, her response what "What are you saying my son is a liar?!" Umm yes. So now we are buying cameras.
I'm so sorry you went through
I'm so sorry you went through this.
Yes buy cameras, it's so helping with anxiety of false accusation.
Why are these children acting like crazy ?
I actually think it's good to
I actually think it's good to keep the communication going with BM so both parties can know when he's manipulating. I would outright call him on his lies. Not calling them out, ignoring them just means he will repeat it.
As a consequence, I would actually have said boring as* weekend he complains about, tell him that since he lied about it we might as well make it reality. That kid is really messed up.
DH called SS to give a
DH called SS to give a dressing-down.
SS lied again and said BM was a liar. They both confronted him and SS started to cry saying he doesn't know why he is lying. He ask DH to forgive him, DH said "i will always love you, however i can't forget your behaviour, next time, you will know what boring means.
BM was upset too, SS said to BM that if he lied about her, it was because he was afraid his father punched him.
This time, BM didn't play SS game and they both decided to have a really serious talk with SS next weekend.
Plus, DH reminded to BM that SIL and MIL were devastating his brain and that she must do something like stopping visits. This time, she considered the option.
Fewwww, i'm SO tired to deal with all this crap, especially with my 7 months old baby who need attention and energy
GOOD! Glad they got on the
GOOD! Glad they got on the same page and called the little brat out. THat's what they need when they do these games. I really hope BM follows through and stops the contact with SIL/MIL. Honestly it's so bad, I would consider getting a protective order and show the abuse they've been poisoning this kid with.
WEll that sucks!
That you cant trust this kid.
Same here. BOTH SD's are like their mother Toxic Troll, and lie lie lie.
Yes, but trust me, DH is
Yes, but trust me, DH is tired of trying to untertain SS. He deeply fells betrayed.
At the end of the week, DH and BM will confront him.
But what i'm asking to myself is how explaining to him his behaviour, without make him the pleasure of being in the center of a drama ?
Keep the confrontation short
Keep the confrontation short and cut off his toxic supply. Which means his parents both need to step up to parent him while he's still a kid. Time is of the essence. Giving him a dressing down and then sending him back to the inlaws is like giving an alcoholic a lecture then sending them back to the bottle shop.
Thanks for advice,
Thanks for advice,
However we learnt that SS starts to extend his manipulative behaviour to extended sphere. BM told DH that the kid created a drama between his step father and maternal grand father few weeks ago.
The two men don't talk to each other anymore.
SS said to his grand father that his step father was trying to separate them. The grand father took SS side and belive all his liars.
So we are in a complicated situation with a child at the center of multiple drama. He seems to enjoy this climate, so i'm really start to wonder if he has not a problem
All adults that are in SS's
All adults that are in SS's sphere needs to be notified of his behaviour. Tell them that it is an issue that his parents hope to work through with him and they hope everyone will be understanding and participate in SS's rehabilitation. To that effect, if their boy cries "wolf" then all parties are innocent until proven guilty. All adults need to compare facts privately before any finger pointing. And if there's no proof, then SS's version alone just will not be accepted anymore. He's lied too many times. It may mean that SS's sphere will be severely limited in short term but any adults that won't believe his parents when they say their own son is lying shouldn't be exposed to that son. Kids aren't stupid. If a particular path no longer works, they'll abandon it. SS needs a strong reality check that his lies just won't get him the reward and attention he craves. Stop rewarding him and he'll stop.