How do any of you handle discipline of your step kids? What are the different discipline styles between your house and BM's? What would you do if BM started dating a guy who became the disciplinarian?

BM is all over the place with her boyfriend choices. I just don't get it! She is a woman with two children who has a stable, "normal" job, and yet she chooses to date college kids who are very young. Her most recent boyfriend is not even 21...so they hit up the bowling alley often so that he can go somewhere where she can drink. I know this is nothing we can control...I just want to vent a little so bear with me! I am also wondering from anyone out there if any of this stuff could be used against her in our fight for custody?

She had a bf a few months ago that she was getting serious about. He seemed to basically be living with her, although BM denied that. Then we found out she was allowing him to spank the kids and he had taken over as the disciplinarian (they are 2 and 4) after they had only been dating for 1 MONTH! BM flat out admitted that she told him to do these things because the kids won't listen to her. This was an issue that my DF and BM argued about for awhile, as DF doesn't feel spanking should occur AT ALL, much less by some dude the BM has just started dating. We also felt that it was unfair for the kids and for this boyfriend to be put in that position. Once again it was BM pushing off her parenting responsibilities on someone else! I blogged about that whole issue back when it happened. About a week after, BM asked DF if he'd be okay if this new bf provided day care for the skids! WHAT!? He didn't have a job, so BM volunteered him to be the full-time boyfriend day care (and then she wouldn't have to pay so much, and would be able to pocket more CS)....that whole situation was weird. Especially when only ONE WEEK later (not kidding or exaggerating) BM unexpectedly broke up with this guy. She wanted him to be her day care, yet he wasn't good enough to date? Confusing.

Two weeks later, BM is "in a relationship" again. It is with a new guy who is under 21. SD5 tells us all the time that she doesn't like him, but won't really explain why. Then she also says that he stays the night but that they never see him, they only see his shoes by the door in the morning.

BM goes from one extreme to another in relationship styles... I don't get it! I am trying to think that maybe she realized she jumped in too soon with the other guy, having him be a full-time parent right off the bat. Maybe she is taking it slow with this guy?

I just have a sneaking suspicion though that a 20 year old college student doesn't really want to get too "heavily" involved with a woman who has two children (with 2 different dads) and is only using her for more of a sexual relationship. I can't help but think that this new guy wants nothing to do with the kids...which is not really a positive situation for them.

Every day I am truly thankful that DF and I provide a stable, relaxing, and loving environment for the kids...AND a positive model for relationships for them. They are definitely NOT getting that with BM's revolving door!