If our Skids were never born??
My husband says to me, Skid is losing weight, he is troubled by the recording of him speaking lies about me to his grandma, it eats him up, so I should try and be gentle and sweet towards him even when calling out his name I should do so with a sweet tone. I stared at him in disbelief, I mean serious what the f*ck is this? His 13 year old son is busted for being the liar and manipulator that he is and I'm supposed to reward his bad behaviour by being sweet towards him??
And I know for a fact that his wrongs don't bother him at all, he is not even sorry about the lies he was telling about me and the false accusations. He is only sorry he got caught! He carries on with his life like nothing happened and I'm not even giving him an attitude, isn't that enough? On the other hand am the one who still has scars from his betrayal and I'm the one who is uncomfortable with living under the same roof with people I can't trust, there is no privacy in my home.
My husband and I quarrel a lot regarding Skid because we have different thoughts and beliefs regarding him, he thinks he is this innocent, perfect child who just made a mistake and I believe DH doesn't know his child at all because the child is a good pretender when we the parents are around. I believe his child is a manipulative, deceitful, selfish and disrespectful child that will never change. (Of course I didn't tell DH that)
I hate to even be having a conversation regarding Skid at all, I hate it!! We don't quarrel over our own child together, it's always this step kid that's the issue and DH's silly expectations of me towards his undeserving Skid, they really spoil my mood. Sometimes I wonder how our lives would have turned out if Skid was never born? Maybe our home would be happy and peaceful but then again I think maybe if Skid was never born then DH and I would never have met...he would have gone on a different road that wasn't going to lead him to me.
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A lot of bio parents see
A lot of bio parents see their kids through rose-tinted spectacles even when the evidence to the contrary is staring them in the face. And if we bring this evidence to their notice then WE are in the wrong! We are mean, ungenerous and grudging.
I used to to believe that is
I used to to believe that is was SOs fault I didn't like SKs, because of his ineffective parenting.
But even now that SO has been forced to parent his own kids, deal with the constant frustration of Thier behavior and disrespect towards him. I still don't like them. I struggle to find a single endearing quality.
They are just angry, resentful, self destructive people. I can't even say it's me who has the issue because SKs own relatives don't want to be around them. They can't maintain friendships. Other adults are appalled by Thier behavior and don't want them around.
SO came home today from his work and met his friends teenage kids and was in awe of how they behaved. I told him that is how normal kids behave. SO tried so hard for so long to believe his kids were going through a phase. He came home so hurt and defeated.
I always saw how socially and emotionally delayed his kids were.. I suppose I can understand that as a parent it's not so easy to see because you are blinded by your love for your kid's.
I know SO and I wouldn't be together if he never had SKs. His life would have taken a different path. I don't know if we are meant to be together or not. At this time he has made the decision to support me as his partner. I am just unsure as to how I will be able to handle what the future brings.
If you want to stay with this
If you want to stay with this man, time to stop doing anything and everything for SS. You can be polite and civil, but nothing more. Stop talking to DH about him, let DH handle everything in regard to his care. Make yourself scarce when he comes over.
I don't know how any of you guys maintain relationships with these Disney Dads and feral skids. Even if they do try to parent them eventually, the damage is done and the skid is unlikeable.
No. Just No.
The skid does something wrong and YOU are supposed to change your behavior? Sounds like a DH problem. I'd insist on outside the marital home visitation until DH figures out how to parent his KID, not his wife.
When Bio Dads have to be the
When Bio Dads have to be the ones to actually start parenting, instead of pawning it off on their new partners, the rose colored glasses start to come off. My DH used to be this way when SD was younger. It was easier for him to blame me with "why don't you just try _____" than for him to parent himself. He pawned off SO much parenting responsibilites on me. More than what I realized was normal until I found these online groups. When I disengaged and left everything up to him to address with SD (chores, homework, screentime, etc) he saw how she REALLY was. A back-talking, defiant child. Wasn't so easy for him (or BM) to say anymore, "well, because of SM_____".
Being Dad, he still of course tries to reason her behavior sometimes, but he is WAY more objective about it now.
Holy Fluck
How will behavior ever improve if its never addressed. Oh my GAWD
I felt evil when I used to wish my ex SD was aborted. I hated the lil B with my heart and soul.
Life without skids is a life with peace
I hear ya, we've all felt
I hear ya, we've all felt similar in some fashion. I used to wish that BM had swallowed.