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Advice would be nice

Bigbaddad216's picture

Submitted by Bigbaddad216 on Mon, 03/01/2021 - 1:49pm

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Parenting Issues

Good afternoon to all

this is my first time here. Well here is what is happening. I have a step son and daughter and I bio kid. I have known my 2 step kids for 10 years now. My step son is now 12 and extremely disrespectful yes granted he's going through some mental disorder testing. It's created tension at home and some pretty good fights. His bio dad refuses to have anything to do with him so it's basically just been us and his grandfather. Well he's recently stopped going to his grand dads and is home all the time and it's becoming mentally draining on me or us and our marriage. There's days I rather just be at work then be home and deal with everything it seems I care more then him when it comes to school or being respectful and have gotten tired of it 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Mon, 03/01/2021 - 4:26pm

I would talk with your SO and insist he go to the grandfather's so you two can get a break.

Every parent needs time away from Thier kids and every couple needa time alone.

JustSurviving's picture

Submitted by JustSurviving on Sat, 03/20/2021 - 11:08pm

Agreed. You and your SO need a break. Every parent needs a break for their relationship sake and their own sanity. Insist he goes to his grandfather's if he is still willing to take him. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 03/01/2021 - 5:55pm

When there are clear household standards of behavior and performance there is absolutely zero reason for mates to fight. Either a kid is in compliance or they are not. There really is nothing to fight about.  If one of the partners starts a fight, it is easy to bare their ass and smack them back into line by rolling up a copy of the standards and beating them in the face with them. (Figuratively of course).  

When clear standards are in place the only discussion when a kid violates those standards is what the adults are going to do about it.  Consequences are decided and applied as experience with each kid is built.  However, consequences must occur for violations of behavioral or performance standards.  IMHO the more strict consequence is the one that is applied when the partners do not agree.  This prevents the bioparent from mitigating effective consequences for their child.  It also drives the bio-parent to step up and parent effectively rather than coddle their spawn.

IMHO of course.