Hi All,

Like many it seems I come on here to vent haha. 

My partner's family (parents and he, his brother, and sister) is more tight-knit than a lot. He works with his parents and brother daily and we see his parents very often (every other weekend, if not every week/end sometimes). His parents are lovely people and have been very accepting of me, and they're good grandparents.  He and his brother are close but they don't really hang out outside of work, and I may see him and his wife once a month or every other month. I've reached out to her but I think after some family drama she tries to stay disconnected from his side of the family; they hang out with her family more which is fine. To catch anyone new up, BM trapped my partner in a one night stand; there was no relationship etc., but she's spent the last 11 years waiting for him and trying to be a part of his family because they're loaded.His mother does activities with BM and SD (never alone) and is in contact with her a lot, but it's for SD and she really has no love for BM. Overall (aside from BM) his family is really nice.

His sister is another story. She's manipulative, derisive, and downright mean. She could put some of the HCBMs on this site to shame. I should probably make a name for her, let's call her Hight Conflict B*tch Sister (HCBS). He avoids her like the plague and can't be around her for more than a few hours because she's meddled in his life and made hell for him so many times. We're talking full blowouts at one of his (good terms) exes in a restaraunt, driving to BMs house to scream at her in the middle of the night, and causing so much drama for he and his brother that they both cut her out of their lives for a year recently. They both love her husband, but can't stand to be around her. She's especially a b*tch to her husband; "Buy me a Cadillac, I deserve it because I'm carrying your f*cking child!". My partner's sister in law was hit the worst by her recently and they hadn't been on talking terms for the last two years after HCBS tried to stop their wedding. HCBS just had a baby which is why the family decided to bury the hatchet (because they believe in family aznd being there for the child etc.) but it's still strained.

Worst, she's on again off again friends with BM, and when they're friends they're conspiratorial b*tches that make my partner's life hell. Because of these two, SD didn't spend father's day with him and it took a week to calm her down and have things go back to normal. I'm quite sure that HCBS has been telling BM for years that she *should* be part of the family and that her brother should be with her etc. I wouldn't be surprised if HCBS is the one that set BMs sights on her brother as a target 12 years ago (they were friends). She's definitely told BM that SD needs to get a rich husband. His parents see the issues that HCBS creates, but they just want everyoone to get along and (of course) have a history of enabling her or smoothing things under the rug/apologizing for her. Sound like any HCBMs anyone has? jkjk. 

My partner is the only family member that I think HCBS is actually kind of afraid of. He's not afraid to have a blowout with her and he's definitely made it clear that if she comes in between our relationship he will have no issue never speaking to her again. It's to the point where she will arrange to have SD through BM istead of my partner, or she'll text me if SD is with us (which I show him), instead of texting him. She won't direct message him ever and only communicates with him through family group messages because she knows he will show her messages to his parents if she starts shit (so now she only does it over the phone). He has her blocked on social media as well and doesn't directly engage with her when they're in person (will talk indirectly to her because he hates her so much).

Fast-forward to now, and I'm just kind of over everything. I can't vent to my partner because he takes it as a personal failing because it's his family (when it's not) but sometimes I just need to pull  my hair out. He's told them multiple times that he doesn't want to be around HCBS unless necessary, and that he absolutely doesn't want BM in his family life. I know that HCBS and BM are in kahootz in disliking me, and HCBS is too high on herself to realize I notice that she's competely fake and tries to get information out of me (she's also an idiot). Now that the family is all back together HCBS has been all over my partner's brother and wife (whose wedding she tried to derail) because they're also expecting a baby. I can tell that this has strained what little relationship there is between my sister-in-law and I, as I'm sure HCBS has told her all kinds of untrue things that I've "said" or "done" (in quotes because I haven't). MIL is lovely to me and always has been, but now it's made a situation where she is not as comfortable with me because HCBS is around ALL. THE. TIME. She used to stay away before my partner made a tentative gesture of "I hate you less for the moment" because of the baby, but she seems to think they're all great friends now. 

What's really irritating is that BM is involved now because she's all over HCBS' new baby, and how *excited* she is that a new member of the family is here blah blah, and she's been posting and commenting on all of the baby stuff for the one on the way as well. SD told us about how BM was crying because she was so happy that HCBS and SIL were having babies (yeah, sure). This was to the point where BM told MIL that I shouldn't be at the baby showers because I "wasn't family' and SHE should be. MIL shut that right down and put her in her place, thank-god (MIL was PISSED, like, "That is my SON'S partner. This is MY FAMILY."). Keep in mind that my partner wants BM to have NOTHING TO DO with his family, and instead of them honouring that MIL includes her in a bunch of stuff with SD (shopping, crafts), HCBS has her over all the time and spends more time with her than she ever has trying to have a relationship with her brother, and they all seem to be fine with her being ecstatic over the new baby announcement, which is coming to parents that she barely interacts with. Like, she wants to help with the baby shower and make them gifts etc. This is a woman who my partner wants NO part of who is just injecting herself.

We were at the gender reveal for his brother's baby-on-the-way last night and I couldn't help but think that if/when my partner and I have an ours baby, HCBS is going to be a huge pain about it, will probably spend all of her nights trash-talking with BM about it, and will probably do that with SD around. She'll probably try to poison her parents against me. She'll be nice to my face and make a ton of underhanded nasty comments as always. I also know that BM will go into a spiral and will definitely not be excited that SD is getting a sibling and it will probably be a sour spot in what should be a happy event and I'll be expected to take the high road and be gracious about it.

I just really don't know if I have it in me to spend most of my life watching the family be uncomfortable because HCBS and BM are upset about a child, and making things worse for everyone. My poor frigging partner has dealt with this for 11 years, and I hope to god we just move once we can and get away from all the tension. I don't have any family on my side which makes it worse. If this is all wrecked by these crazy b*tches, then my child will have no connection to their family.

His mother and I have had a lot of deep conversations about family etc. (especially when her daughter was ostractized) and I've been thinking of chatting with her about it. She keeps things silent as the grave and we've kind of made a safe space for sharing, but I don't know if it's kind to essentially say "YOUR FAMILY IS MAKING ME CRAZY". 

End rant.