What do you do!
Recently got married, my husband has a 10 year old daughter. I knew it was going to be hard, don't get me wrong. I struggle with developing a relationship with her, my husband and I have been together for 3 years now. So I've been in her life for a decent amount of time. I can't stand his ex, she is only concerned about herself. We both work over 40 hours each week. The ex is a nanny for her sisters kid, we essential pay her bills. My new SD seems to be a master manipulator with mom, we are constantly getting texts that there is something wrong with SD, "she's afraid to come to your house", " she doesn't feel comfortable". We never have any issues when she's here. The problem is SD is super needy! Needs to be entertained while she's here. Cannot be bored, has no clue how to entertain herself. The weekends we have her are my weekend off. I'm a nurse and work every other weekend. I feel like I never get time to just relax with my husband as she is always here and needy when I'm off. We are attempting to have another child because I just want my own! I thought it would be easier to adjust, but I literally get mad anxiety when she's around! I find myself just drinking heavily to deal with her! I don't know what to do!
I have to ask
Do you mean bm is a babysitter OR is she degreed from Norland? Certified Governess or Certified Nanny.
Every since Casey Anthony pulled that Zannie the Nanny bs---calling a pretend babysitter a NANNY has become a thing. Most 'babysitters' have limited skills. Now everyone is or HAS a nanny. Anyway
Something to think about---Floopy ears is on target--work when dh has his child.
2. BM's 'nanny status" may be helpful for what DH pays in child support. So what REALLY is bm, Nanny or babysitter.
IF she is a certified Nanny, she should be paid a good wage. AND sister-in-law should have proof of her wages too. AND bm's w2 should reflet the same.
Per zip recruter, average professional Nanny pay a yr is about 35,000.00 a year. Could be higher depending on state.
Again, I agree with floppy--work when dad has his child.
BM wants to play NANNY, ok, prove it---show us your w2 and the 1099 from sister in law.
Tricks I have learned along the way.
PS...don't drink because of
PS...don't drink because of her. Having a cocktail because you want to is very different than drinking because of her, be very very careful
IT IS NOT WORTH loosing your nursing license or worse. Sorry, just an observation based on what you wrote.
Maybe you made a mistake getting married??
I definitely didn't make a
I definitely didn't make a mistake! I love him and her! I just find myself overwhelmed sometimes because I feel like we cannot ever get into a routine when there isn't consistency. Maybe this is me caring to much!
See if you can switch shifts
See if you can switch shifts with somone and make your off weekend the NonSkid weekend. That gives your free weekend to dedicated 1:1 time with DH and his weekend with his kid can be all daddy/daughter time. You can avoid the SD related drama... at least for a while.
Good luck.
Yes, swap your weekends but
Yes, swap your weekends but make absolutely sure that your DH understands you did it deliberately because you need to spend quality time with just him. Otherwise, he might swap his weekends so you can still benefit from his precious princess ...
We talked
We sat down and had a very intense conversation about it. He is on board, and is very much understanding, our issue now is that we need to talk to His ex to see if we can switch weekends, because we are already short staffed on my weekends at work. I'm going to try and talk to my boss about it. And then last resort we will go to the Ex. Wish me luck. Thank you all for the support!