Biodad enabled by my wife
My step son's dad is a child in his own right. Has his mother, sister, girlfriend, and his ex (my wife) taking care of him. He gets what he wants, pays what he wants and shows up when he wants. All of which I have been asked to accept because he is their father. I would like to leave when he is in our house, as it doesn't seem necessary to have multiple parents there during a visitation (no court orders etc).
On one of these days, My wife was at work. I decided to come home at the time he was done with his visitation instead of right home after work, so he could spend his time with them alone, and go walk along the river, and I could avoid an interaction. This made my wife angry, stating I was bailing by not going home. By avoiding him. Which the kids notice. Bailing. A word I find interesting since I was just trying to take some alone time while the children were being cared for by their father in my home. I find no reason I have to be there when he is there.
I dislike him. I think he is an idiot boy man.I am cordial in his presence, say hello etc. But I certainly would not choose to play house with him and my kids when my wife isn't there. I got home after my walk and was asked what was for dinner. Apparently, his time does not includ feeding them.I checked out and went to hide under the covers and watch TV. Not the best solution, but damn, not my job.
He may be your Skids SpermDad
He may be your Skids SpermDad but... you are your DW's husband and the SpermDad doesn't mean shit to you. Nor should he ever have access to your home, your wife or your extended family.
I suggest that you immediately demand that your wife engage an attorney, nail this non man with a CO clearly outlining Custody/Visitation/Support including a CS order of monumental proportions. Once the visitation schedule is ordered that will then stand as the framework for managing this POS SpermDad and his shallow and polluted gene pool support network and extended harem of female care givers (that includes YOUR wife) and make it perfectly clear that that POS will never again enter your home for any reason. Whether you are home or not. And he will see his kids only as scheduled in the visitation element of the CO.
Have your attorney send him a cease and desist notification to never again enter your property or he will be considered and dealt with as a home invader.
Man up man. Be the husband you can be, the father you should be and tolerate no bullshit from your wife's X and his catering flock of idiot coddling Ewes. First and foremost, give your bride clarity she is YOUR wife and not his. He is her past. Together you and DW make a future.
Flush this POS down the road and keep him the hell away from your wife and home. He can see his spawn on a COd schedule. Nothing more. My SS's SpermIdiot is a 50yo man child who has been catered to by the SpermGrandHag and his younger sister his entire life. SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa provide their POS serial statutory rapist son with a home, cars, raise the three youngest of his 4 out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas and paid his entire 17 year CS obligation for my SS with no help from the SpermIdiot.
Fortunately, my DW would rather watch that POS SpermIdiot burn than waste the piss it would take to put out the flames.
Good luck. If there is any hope for a solution you and your DW are going to have to put the SpermDad in his place and keep him there. If she insists on maintaining her commitment to the SpermDad, you are screwed and might as well move on and get your own children as far from that shallow and polluted gene pool of a toxic alliance as you can.
Just my thoughts of course.
Why does he have visitation at your house?
Why does he have visitation at your house? That needs to stop. There is no reason for you to be there while he is there, "bailing" seems an odd word choice to describe what happened. Is he not capable of dealing with the kids on his own?
Your wife needs to get a custody order in place and then they both need to follow it.
Just for clarification - you are a woman right? You are being told to "man up" and such and since your screen name is "stepmomofthreeboys" that might not be too helpful. Although you can certainly "woman up" and take back your house!
There is just so much wrong
There is just so much wrong with this I don't know where to start...
First off, nobody who is not a permanent resident in your home should be wandering in and out when he pleases. Change the locks and change the rules. He no longer gets to go beyond the doorstep. He has no right to invade your privacy and your life just because nobody will set boundaries.
Secondly, WTF is your wife thinking expecting you to hang out with him when the deadbeat comes to see his kids?! Is she out of her tiny mind? You are under absolutely no obligation to play house to him just because she can't cut the apron strings (because, yes, she is playing mummy to him - does that make her feel good, btw?).
Thirdly, when you said "for better or for worse" that was about you, as a couple, and did not include nor imply it included making the guy she used to f*ck feel warm and fuzzy in your home. That is such a shitty setup ... I've said this before and I'll probably say it again, three in a marriage is one too many. Put your foot down right now.
The alternative is to move out and at least have a place where you feel safe and know that your life won't be invaded by some lackadaisical waster. Seriouisly, how can you feel that your current place is truly your home when you have no control over who wanders in and out of it?