After todays little stunt and just the way she has been acting I decided to take some advice from you all and have a little talk with SD. I got lucky that BF hoped in the shower when he got home and left me and SD alone. After some arguing and her torturing me she curled up next to me on the sofa and laid her head on my shoulder. I asked her if I could ask her something and she said yes.

Me: why are you mean to everyone?

her: I'm not mean to everyone.

me: ok well you are very mean to daddy and me and get angry at us for no reason

her: I dunno I just get angry

me: well sometimes that happens at your age and it still happens to me at my age. But you have to learn that it isn't our fault or your fault you feel this way. Next time it happens take a deep breath remember that we can help you feel better. But being mean to us makes us yell at you which makes you more angry and then it makes us more angry and its a bad cycle. Do you see what I mean?

her: yes I'm sorry I have been so mean

me: that's ok but can we try to be nice to each other for your dad?

her: yes, I love you.

sometimes she can be cute haha