Step dad behavior

Ok.... I want to clarify that my husband is NOT the stepdad in this scenario.

Is it normal behavior for a step dad of a 12 year old girl to do the following:

1. take pictures of himself posing next to his sleeping step daughter

2. mom takes pictures of step dad with his head in step daughters lap, or touching her waist, or the two in a forward embrace (hips touching)

3. mom takes pictures of step dad hugging step daughter around the waist stating that daughter wants to be "just like stepdad".

4. step dad baby talking step daughter and making pet names for her that he posts on social media, but does so in a way that only bio-dad and his family can see

5. step dad telling step daughter he loves her 4-5 times in one 20 minute phone conversation

6. Mom always making sure that step dad is included in phone calls from daughter

7. finally, when step daughter leaves her backpack with step dad while she hangs out with friends, step dad caresses, hugs, gently rests his chin, and stares at said backpack while mom sits across the table from him.

i get a creep factor about this guy. Step daughter assures us the relationship is appropriate. Am I overthinking?

Tatiana's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Yuck. I think it's odd. And I

Yuck. I think it's odd. And I try to think back as a 12yr old...and yea, that would be super freaking creepy. Ewwwww.

Creepy

Creepy. Something seems off in his behavior.

Step dad posts pictures that

Step dad posts pictures that only bio dad and his family can see? That only adds to the creepiness.

From what I can tell. Many of

From what I can tell. Many of my family and my husbands family have step daughter on their social media as well and my husband and I are the only ones who can see it out of all of our family. Almost as if it was for our benefit and then anyone else in their circle they wanted to see it. Furthermore, step dad doesn't acknowledge my husband in public other than to make unfounded threats to him on at least 4 occasions. I cannot stand this man and I'm worried about my step daughter. She is a different girl with us when around the other side. And occasionally becomes nauseated and vomiting the night before she goes back. Not every time. But had at least three times lately and there's no cause for it.

This man is sick. His

This man is sick. His actions sound like he's grooming her. And she gets sick sometimes before she has to go back to mom's? Your DH needs to get his daughter to a doctor for a checkup and privately voice concerns to the doctor about what is going on.

There is a dad that picks up

There is a dad that picks up his daughter from our high school and they both grin when they see each other and he grabs her and kisses her neck and she giggles and they walk to his car with his arm around her shoulders. I thought the teenage girl was dating an older boy until I heard her call him daddy and my child's best friend confirmed that it's her father. It's nauseating and inappropriate. I don't know how her mother - or maybe step mother - is okay with that type of behavior between a child and her father.

The caressing

The caressing of the backpack was what got me. Needing to touch the belongings of a person, to me at least, shows a deep emotional connection. Especially if he was unable to keep from doing it in front of the girl's mother. The only time I have ever been compelled to have physical contact like that with someone's clothing or other item was when I was giddily in the first throes of love or deep in soul crushing grief. This sounds like a weird obsession. I would want to know what is wrong with mom that she either can't see what is going on or does see it and is OK with it.

My question is how this

My question is how this person knows that the step dad does the backpack thing? I seriously doubt that the bio mom tells bio dad: "My husband caresses our daughter's backpack when he is holding it and she is with her friends."

I mean - kinda weird.

It happened in front of me.

It happened in front of me. He wasn't paying attention to anyone, and mom was eating and not paying attention. I noticed he had the backpack just by chance, we had just purchased it for her for her birthday 5 days earlier -- the other things I listed have happened over the past 6 months, and because he routinely threatens my husband, sometimes publicly in front of step daughter, I keep a keen awareness of what is happening any time we're all together. In this case, it was a school function. We were all there to support step daughter. They were sitting five seats away from us. I watched him doing it.

Once was at a house exchange,

Once was at a house exchange, my husband was in his vehicle and step dad was standing in the parking lot. Mom was done talking to husband and walked away, calm conversation, and step dad said "watch it or I'll kick your ass".

Second time was via text message. Husbands dad was visiting. All of us were at a child event. Mom walked over to talk to husbands dad, her ex father in law. Step dad wasn't even present at the event. 4 hours later my husband received a text message stating that if his dad ever spoke to mom again he'd "kick his ass".

Third time was at a kid event. This time moms parents were present. There was a break in the event. Moms father, his ex father in law, waved. My husband walked over to him and shook his hand. Ex FIL stood up and started holding a conversation with him. Step dad stood up and simply made "hold me back" motions with his whole body screaming "get on your side! We don't want you over here. I'll kick your ass".

Finally, the last was over text message. Mom claimed step daughter wants to spend more time with her and less time with my husband. When step daughter returned, dad asked her what she wanted. Step daughter said not more time with one parent, more time in each house before having to switch so she's not going back and forth as much. Dad explained that we need to keep the arrangement but if ever she had something going on where she wanted to stay in either house a day or two longer that we could always work that out. An hour later, step dad sends threatening text about the CO being upheld only when convenient for dad and that if he wouldn't cooperate he'd keep step daughter from dad.

I guess we just haven't seen the reason to call the police because they seem like threats that are trying to get a rise and start a fight, not anything he'll follow through on. We're trying to keep peace. But I keep a close eye on everything.

im getting to the point though where maybe we need to be smarter and just file police reports when this stuff happens. Just to document if nothing else

Forward photos

to CPS

Google: Karla Homolka. She allowed the rape and murder of her sister by her husband.

So this man has both

So this man has both threatened to harm your DH, but also to holding SD hostage?

Police report and a strongly worded letter from an attorney telling him to knock it the f**k off or it will escalate seems like the appropriate approach.

Also, I agree with whoever above said SD either needs to see a doctor or DH needs to have a sit-down with her to make sure she feels comfortable at BM's house. At best, she likely doesn't want to live with someone who threatens her dad and threatens to keep her away from him. At worst...well, at worst.

Your DH needs to STOP taking this idly, especially if the stress of it is making SD ill. That is unfair to SD, and part of being a parent is addressing this BS when someone oversteps.

That's a good perspective,

That's a good perspective, thank you. Interestingly enough, when all of us are together at these events, step daughter tends to give my husband marginal attention and stays with mom and step dad the entire time. My husband has talked to step daughter several times about how things are in both homes, comfort level with both step parents, about appropriate vs inappropriate adult interactions. It used to be that step dad was fine, no concerns, but loves step mom and didn't really want to go to moms (citing complaints of smoking, drinking, not having an appropriate sleeping arrangement). Then we encouraged her to talk to mom to describe these issues and provided a bed frame and mattress for her bedroom for moms home (after they moved to a new rental house). Since then it's been more like step dad is a big goofball, funny friend who plays volleyball and makes her the center of the universe whom she loves and step mom is someone who is "rude to my mom" (I keep my distance and stay cordial), and dad is "not a mother so he'll never understand". We get reports from mom that step mom makes the house uncomfortable and she wants to spend more time at moms. Mom also reports that step daughter thinks that it's wrong for dad to want to spend time with step mom and work a job when she's at our house.

I suspect the changes have everything to do with some brainwashing. But thinking that and saying it out loud I fear makes me sound like a lunatic.

also according to my husbands ex in-laws, step dad has "changed" and doesn't have anger issues anymore, but they trust him with step daughter. A few posters earlier described "grooming" and since that post my red flag has been up.

Ok now SD has returned this

Ok now SD has returned this week. I tell her I'm leaving for work in the morning before the school bus arrives but I'll be home before she gets up. She lets me know that she has decided to switch the time she takes showers to 5:30 am instead of before bed time, which she has done her whole life. This is after a change in Step dad work schedule and mom work schedule - where mom used to be home all evening, now mom works late a few times a month and step dad used to leave for work when they left for school, step dad now leaves for work before 5 am and is home in the early afternoon.

She is not a morning person and has always done as much the night before school in order to sleep as late as possible.

my mind instinctively goes to the need to shower when step dad isn't in the house.

All of the above

I agree. Something doesn't feel right about all this. Save all pictures, screenshot social media and texts, keep a dated journal of all instances you've seen or heard but couldn't record or take a picture of. Keep all records in case she starts acting strange all of a sudden, says something about him that concerns you or even goes missing

You are here

Comments