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Feeling Overwhelmed

NielsoTc's picture

Submitted by NielsoTc on Mon, 07/15/2019 - 10:49pm

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Step/Bio Father's Den

My wife has 3 kids from 3 different Dads 2 are still in the picture and one isnt. We dated for 2 year and just got married a month ago. Its been great and my wife is an amazing woman! She has come through so much and gotten away from so many toxic people in her life the Bfathers being one of them. The other day she yelled at her son for defending his dad for something he didnt like being said about his dad. My wife lost it with him and riped him a new one for coming to his Bfathers defence. She is now mad at me for not backing her up and just sitting on the side lines. My SS Bfather was not in his life untill my wife fought to get him to start being a father to my SS again. He put her through alot of crap and I know she still has alot of pent up pain to work through. I wish I knew what I could do to help her. I feel like she has put up her walls again after what happened and me not verboly supporting her.  I just feel lost right now, I know shutting down will not help make anything getter. 

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Submitted by Lady.Tremaine on Mon, 07/15/2019 - 11:10pm

How old are these kids ? It's nice that you seem supportive of your wife but 3 BDs is a LOT of baggage .

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 07/16/2019 - 5:13am

I don't know, none of this sounds "amazing" to me.  3 kids with three different men, then badmouthing one of her kids' fathers and then getting angry when the kid has the nerve to stand up for his father and not be "loyal" to her. AND wanting you to pile on the kid, too.

Please tell me when the amazing stuff starts.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 07/16/2019 - 7:12am

Your DW sounds like the type of BM that most of us SMs complain about. Why is she badmouthing the kid's father in front of him? That is PAS and its not okay.  Of course, her son feels loyalty to his dad and is going to stick up for him.  I hope you aren't planning on being BD number 4.  Your wife sounds like she could be a real nightmare to parent with.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 07/18/2019 - 9:22pm

Even in toxic situations one cannot badmouth the other BP to the kids involved.  Presenting the facts, discussing the behaviors, decisions and situations are fine but ... badmouthing is not.

You did the right thing. You need to explain why you took the sidelines regarding the battle your DW had with her son over her badmouthing his dad.

As others have asked. When does the amazing start with this woman?  I am not seeing any amazing so far.  I am seeing a serial breeder with three spawn by three different men, who is manipulating her children against their fathers, and is expecting you to participate in  her toxic manipulation of children.

Time for a new bride I think.  Please do not pollute your own gene pool by breeding with this toxic woman.  

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 07/29/2019 - 6:15pm

Is to not ever bad mouth the othr parent to the child. Even in parallel parenting this applies. Especially in high coflict situations.

Explain to your DW that saying bad things about the childs father is creating a conlict within the child. This child might know in their head that dads not the greatest, but in his heart will always hope for the best.

Let her know it is in the best interest of her child. She needs to deal with her emotions regarding the Bio dad, separately.

I have HCBM in my life, Toxic Troll, and can only vent to other people, not her child, my SD13. Because munchkin loves her mother. Even when the child is sobbing in my arms over something momeee said or did or didnt do...I do not chime in with my opinions. I am just there.

I hope your wife has other redeeming qualities that make her amazing, because it doesnt sound like she is all that. Maybe an amazing yodeler?