Thinking about having a child

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Me and my husband want to have a child, but I'm really nervous about it. I want a child too, but our stepdaughter is very jealous when it comes to her father giving me affection instead of her. She is only 9 years old and doesn't stand a lot about how things work. (I'm also the most intense relationship her father has ever had in her whole life so she's not used to it.)

I am very nervous about when I get pregnant and my husband feels more affection for me during that time and the more care and help I will need as I progress. I'm also super worried about when we do have a child and both me and my husband want to give the baby affection. I can already see temper tantrums and jealous action happening if my husband holds his new child and gives it kisses and hugs instead of our daughter.

Unfortunately, my husband is already in his 30's and he doesn't want to be an old dad, but I wish we could wait. At least until our daughter was a little bit older.

Why are you saying "our

Why are you saying "our daughter" ?

Did you adopt your stepchild? If you didn't, she's not your daughter.

Where is BM in all of this? You need to step back and remember that you're her stepmother, which can still be a great relationship, but not if you push all of this "our daughter" stuff.

Anyways, if you two want a baby, have a baby. If SD throws temper tantrums or gets jealous, she's old enough to be sent on timeout until she's ready to behave. That's what we did with my 7 year old stepdaughter, who was 5 years old when my son was born. We sympathized with her for a few months, but finally, enough was enough and we were both going crazy with her outburts. So we told her that it's time to give it up - we're a family and our family has grown and she won't get away with bad behaviour (which includes being overly jealous or an attention hog) so we sent her to her room until she was ready to stop every. single. time.

After we started doing this, her relationship with her baby brother improved drastically. You could clearly see she was finally able to let herself love him and enjoy playing with him. They have the sweetest bond now. Just the other day I watched her sit with him patiently helping him put on his shoes and my heart melted. But they never would have had such a great bond if we let her get away with dwelling/showing negativity about the situation.

Kids need to be reminded that they're part of a family and it's not all about them so they can actually enjoy it instead of feeding into their egotistical, selfish nature and turning them into brats who only care about themselves lol.

I know that there are

I know that there are exceptions, and I think people will probably hate me for saying this, but generally speaking, I think having a baby when you have step kids around as a horrible idea. The only reason that my life is not a living hell as opposed to just bad is because I did not have a kid with my partner even though he would have loved to.

Step situations are horrible and most of the time bound to fail. Why anybody would bring any new child into this is beyond me.

Partner's twat ex-wife had a baby with her new husband and now they're divorced and she has a baby so she "can't hold a job" because daycare is "too expensive". So basically partner pays more money while she refuses to build her career or earning potential. If her eggs weren't all dried up she probably be trying to trap her most recent partner into fatherhood. I don't know what she's going to do when she has no viable eggs left and he dumps her. Which he certainly will eventually. Because she's batshit crazy.

If I had my way, it would be illegal to have a baby while you're collecting child support from an ex. like having a baby would mean that you lose your child support.

I realize your situation is different because you probably don't have any kids of your own and you're not collecting child support from an ex.

If you do have a kid, draw boundaries with the brat. Jesus, why do kids think they can wreak havoc just because they had to go through a divorce? They still need boundaries. I figured out this with my daughter way too late. I let her walk allo me and give me hell because I felt guilty about the divorce. Years of not drawing boundaries and I'm paying for it now. I'm taking her to a therapist tomorrow and she's absolutely losing her mind over it.

Anyway...

Totally agree that having

Totally agree that having another child with this man is a bad idea; Evil's right. Sadly, blended families often end in divorce and then what will you have? Another broken family with another sad child and you, a single mother. Even if you did stick it out, the strain of all the dynamics with jealous Skids would drive you mad. I'd thought of adopting, but I've decided it wouldn't be fair to the child to deal with all the shiz that would absolutely ensue when the SKIDS realized someone was in "their" spot taking up a lot of their dad's affections. And if you're thinking that bringing a child into the world will put the focus more on you and new little family, think again--it just doesn't happen that way. My 2 cents.

Even bio kids get jealous of one another

Even bio kids get jealous of one another it can take any child a while to learn to love a sibling if ‘they were there first’. I guess a consideration might be who is able to discipline or talk to the child that is acting up. It’s certainly a lot easier keeping two bio kids in check and not having to answer to anybody. I have read awful things on here about stepchildren going to other relatives saying stuff that’s not true, about stepmums. Is that likely to happen? You and your partner should do what you want as a couple, and maybe plan how to handle a stituation. Some children don’t get any easier in their teens. Some do.....

Do you want to be a mom?

Right now you are not a mom. Stepkid counts for nothing. Trust me, there is nothing in the world as wonderful and life changing as becoming a mom. There are some women who do not want kids, but you certainly don't sound like one of them. We all have a limited biological window in which we can have babies. Do not let that pass you by or you will end up bitter and resentful of stepkid. Take the long view and consider what you want out of life, then go for it. Who the hell cares what stepkid thinks - not your problem.

Your DH created this

Your DH created this behavioral problem. What makes you think he will not create similar issues in a child he fathers with you?

Kids get jealous of new ones.

Kids get jealous of new ones. It happens. I mean he!!. My dog is jealous of the new puppy some days (also his favorite playmate. lmao). That should NOT be the deciding factor. She'll learn and adjust and it'll get better with time as long as you're both firm about the bad behaviors.

I think it's just time to decide fo ryou. What do you want? Do you feel that he woul dbe a good dad to your child? Do you believe you two are solid?

I know for me, I think a bio might be nice, BUT, me and him are raising his two, Psycho is useless, it's hard enough as it is. I also feel that we've been on shaky ground for a period, so while I do see an upturn with progress, I refuse to have a baby unless I can be sure I'm going to have a partner to raise it with and that we're rock solid. So my babies are my furbabies. Maybe there will be one in the future, or maybe not. But that's completely for you and your Dh to decide, regardless of SD's tantrums.