I'm New to this and Need Help ASAP
Hello
I am new to this blog as well as being a step parent. I have 3 beautiful young ladies from my 1st marriage 17 18 20 my 17 is the only one still at home. My new husband has 3 kids 8 10 12 in which he just won full custody of in March 2019. 2 boys 1 girl we have had the boys 17 months prior to winning custody and only have had the girl for about 3 weeks. Well the kids ARE HORRIBLE...NO HOME TRAINING GREEDY STEALS EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT NAILED DOWN AND LIE TO THE POINT IT IS SO NATURAL I GET CONFUSED AS TO WHO THE HECK THEY REALLY ARE. TThe 8 year old steals from school out of his teachers purse CONSTANTLY gets into trouble at school. At least 2 time or more a week we are called to the school for him. He still wets the bed can't read can't spell writes like a toddler you just handed a pencil to. The 12 year old would be ok but he is a follower he use profanity out side my home and when his dad and i are not around he has so many little boys wanting to fight him daily one little actual shot him in the stomach twice with a bb gun about a week ago. The girl has a very smart mouth she lies so much you have to check her birth certificate to see if her name is really who she is. They steal food from home they steals from the store they steals from my family houses They have no home training my husband is a workaholic and has pretty much not paid attention to their behavior and blamed others for the trouble they have been in till I came in to the picture. Now he sees what the world see but I believe it's too late for me they are really putting a wedge between my husband and i till the point I'm ready to part ways and we have only been married 1 year. People say this is a package deal and i am aware I just don't think I'm cut out for this ...NOT THESE KIDS I am spending so much time with his kids till it's taking away from my daughter. They are draining me so much it's always something then to top it all off every time it's time for them to see their mom she kidnap them refused to give them bk then we have to call the cops it is RIDICULOUS...DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS PLEASE BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3 AGAIN. I LOVE MY HUSBAND WITH MY WHOLE HEART BUT THE LAST FEW MONTHS I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SEE OR SHARE THAT LOVE WITH HIM CAUSE HIS KIDS CONSTANTLY MAKE ME THINK ABOUT HOW I WANT TO LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
If he is a workaholic (I
If he is a workaholic (I assume works long hours), why did he get full custody of his kids? Did he get full custody and expect YOU to take on the burden of raising them?
You definitely should not scarifice your daughter for his heathens.
Sounds like he needs to focus more of his work ethic on raising his children.
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO RAISE HIS CHILDREN.
Cps
Their mom was very abusive she beat them and even caused a head injury to one of them so CPS stepped in now he has full custody.... I told him I would help them but they don't know how to act...My family tell me I need to start from scratch with them but my time of raising kids are done I have no patience with these little liars.
Do you think he married you
Do you think he married you because he wanted to get custody back from his EX.. so he could stop paying Child Support? And.. he figured you could raise his kids for him?
It sounds like a raw deal for you. I might be inclined to throw in the towel on this one. There are too many of them.. and while they may be trainable.. it will be a LOT of work and difficult to do without his support at home.
Cps
No I don't believe that because he was given the kids through CPS. There was never a talk about full custody until their mom completed all her classes and the supervised visits were lifted and she started getting them back and then she abused them again and cause a head injury to one and boom here we are. He was a every other weekend dad holidays one month out of the summer dad. He never was a in home 24 hour dad he has no clue as to what is going on. If I tell him some thing he listens and take actions but I'm tired of talking.
Send them to school then to
Send them to school then to after school care. Lock everyting in the home up. If they steal, call the police and let the police deal with them.
The only fix to this is a combination of extreme increasingly misery inducing age appropriate consequences... and ... counseling. I land more firmly on misery inducing punishment. The counseling can be used to reaffirm the inappropriateness of the behavior that results in misery.
Good luck with these feral crotch droppings.
Do they steal specifically
Do they steal specifically from you, or from your husband as well? Your husband can correct the behaviors, if he's willing to punish.Personally, if my stepchild or even my biological child started to steal, I'd change the wifi password, confiscate cell phones, made the house off limits during daylight, and disable the television until they willfully gave back what was taken.
As far as the child stealing from a teacher, that's a fine line. I'm from a family of teachers, and am one myself. I'd have let it slide the first time, and called the sheriff's office the second, without even consulting the parents.
Food
They don't steal from us they will steal food...but it's food that I bought because rules in my home you get one snack a day so they will steal 3 or 4 so I fixed that and STOP buying snacks all together. The sweetest thing in the house is peanut butter and jelly and where we live the police won't do anything about steal unless he is 10 and he just made 8 I told the teacher call the cops but she is very young and just change his color but let him change it bk at the end of the day
LOL, red light, yellow light,
LOL, red light, yellow light, green lighting. I know about that.
I teach highschool in an urban area. I call the police.
Stealing food? Lock it up, and take away anything that makes them happy.
If he is working
If he is working that much then presumably he has a decent income. It is obviously unfair for him to simply dump kids on you that need much more than normal care. My suggestion would be to tell him that no one without actual training is going to be able to help these children the way that they need to be helped and that the only way you will be willing to stay is if he hires help for you. Not a babysitter and not his sister but an actual trained professional who can come to your home on a regular and consistant basis to make a real difference in everyone's lives. Not just feed, clothe, and keep them from killing each other. Unless he is willing to try to undo the damage the mother did, what was the point in him taking custody in the first place? They would have had a better chance in foster care where they might have had their needs addressed. Asking someone whose only qualification is that they raised normal children to take this on is crazy.
Kids have mental health problems
This is not the movies, we do not live happy ever after. This is one disaster ready to happen. BF takes kids and is a workaholic? BF don’t arrange babysitter type person to take care of kids ? Unless DH does something about the kids, I think you should leave, I can not see this ending well.
Who takes care of his
Who takes care of his children when he is at work?