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Reaching out for help.

Daytonightime's picture

Submitted by Daytonightime on Thu, 04/04/2019 - 8:57pm

Ok. After 20 years of being a step mom l just need to get some help. 

Does anyone else after many years of marriage suffer from the ex’s apron string suffocating syndrome.   Do you think the practice of inviting only the husband to events for adult children infuriating.    Events that your children half brothers or sisters are not included in?  Personal emails back and forth about adult children in their 30s at my exclusion?  I told my husband emails are ok just keep me informed so that nasty surprises don’t pop up and yes they have gotten ugly  Finally l did the unthinkable and blasted out bio mom on my husbands and my email account because well she chose to leave him for another man so why do l have to put up with her crap.     Now his 30 something daughter keeps txting pics of her mom to him at holidays etc etc    Anyone out there had this or something similar happen?   I have never had support from anyone in 20 years of this     Thanks 

 

Comments

Monkeysee's picture

Submitted by Monkeysee on Fri, 04/05/2019 - 2:41am

I wouldn’t be blasting the BM, I’d be blasting my DH if he allowed this to happen when skids are adults & there’s no need for contact with BM any longer.

I’m not sure what I would do if my SS’s wanted to alienate me & my children, their half sibs, as we’ve got a great relationship now. I think I’d expect my DH to do what he’s always done, which is to reiterate to his children that they’re to treat me with respect. 

His daughter his another matter. If she ever comes out of the woodwork & is anything like her mother, I won’t want anything to do with her. DH will be free to see her as he wishes, but the moment she starts manipulating, triangulating, or wrecking havoc within our lives or marriage, I’ll draw a line.

You need stronger boundaries with your DH, not with BM. HE should be respecting your marriage, and from the sounds of it he’s not. I don’t know why he’s allowing BM & skid drama into your lives, but the person to take it up with is the person you’re married to. Blasting BM, as good as it must have felt, is only going to increase the drama you’re experiencing. 

Put the anger back onto the person who deserves it: DH.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 04/05/2019 - 7:43am

Why does your husband allow this? My SD is now 27, DH has not had contact with BM since SD was 18 and got married, which emancipated her. Adult SD=no more CS=no more BM. It's heaven.

BM thought they would be bonded for life but DH let her know otherwise. He told her, when SD was a young teenager, that the day would come when he would never have to speak to her again. And he hasn't.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this but it's on your husband to put boundaries in place and enforce them.

Monkeysee's picture

Submitted by Monkeysee on Fri, 04/05/2019 - 8:13am

Hahaha bonded for life... I love how some women cling to this idea in an attempt to be relevant. No, honey, your egg meeting his sperm doesn’t bond you together for life. It’s biology, not fate. 

BM1 said to DH a couple years ago, ‘you’re stuck with me forever’. No, kitten, he’s not. You’re as relevant as a rotary phone, but nice try.