nothing ever changes
Had 1 year anniversary...two days out of town, couldn't wait to get back...have trouble being around him these days, don't like him much any more...had to leave for training in another city for three days, he spent every waking hour with his kids, especially SD....I didn't even get a hug, how was it when I got home!! ..Before I left, I told him I had a new "rule" for MY household..he and she could no longer have their "private, father, daughter talks" at my house, she has an apartment (that he pays for) and if they wanted to talk privately he could go over there. He didn't like it and doesn't understand it and I don't really care. I had to explain that it happens too often and I will no longer be treated as an alien in my home when they want to talk about secrets!! He swears it doesn't happen that often...he's gonna find out how often when he has to go to her apt ever other afternoon!! Yesterday (HOLY COW)...she got to her apartment and a letter from the CPS was on the door!!!(great, more troubles)....she panicked, Dad told her to get that apt cleaned (she's a pig and doesn't care that her 6 month old daughter lives in a sty, not kidding, it's really nasty!!) SO, we'll see what CPS says.....SD is soooooo much trouble, Dad thinks it's just a growing stage (?)?)?) She's taking care of herself, her baby (??CPS???), has a job (that she shows up for 2/3's of the time (don't know why they tolerate her). He has focused his attention on her and I'm in the cold.....same thing happened when she moved in last year while pregnant, we wound up in counseling and counselor told Dad that he had better take care of wife (ME) or he wouldn't be married in a year...he is focusing on her again (just because she is SO much trouble and is SO needy)...I'm sick of this!!!! SS (19) is also living with us...he's somewhat better that SD, but still a pain in the butt...has been on his own (sort of, Dad picked up the slack) and moved back in with us after getting an MIC and something about contributing to minors.....couldn't afford rent and FINES!!....he's over all that, and talks about living here for quite some time so that he can pay off his truck and save some money!!....doesn't pay rent, doesn't participate in house cleaning..(does his own laundry)....is very demanding.......I"M FED UP.....I WANT TO LEAVE and never come back..........
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Wow...
Ok so your adult step kids are ruining your marriage.. Well I think its your husband who is ruining your marriage. You are not married to his kids. You are married to him. They are adult kids and its time for your husband to take a stance. Its ok to help your kids out when they need it time to time. I am sure I will help my kids out to. But I will not let children come in between my marraige to my husband. Why do I believe in that, here is why.. We as parents are suppose to raise our kids up to be responsible law abiding adults. It is our job to teach them the proper tools to be able to venture out into the world and hopefully they will be just fine. What I see here is a girl who went out and got pregnant and yes is on her own but in a sense daddy is taking care of her. If she is old enough to lay down and get pregnant, then its high time to grow up and take care of her baby, her home, and all the responsibilities that come with being a parent.
So in essence its your husband who is allowing all his time and energy to focus on his children. He can still be a parent and grandparent but first and foremost a husband to you his wife.
I see you as being bitter because of his ways with his children. Its not his kids fault it is his because he does not out his foot down. If he would at least show you one ounce of the devotion, I seriously think that your marriage would be ok. you are resenting him, and his kids.
Go back to counseling.
About the son, if you have taken a stance on the daughter take a stance on him. Its ok in my opinion for him to stay there to save money, but then he sould be showing proof that he is saving and he shoud be helping do all the chores around the house. Not jsut doing his laundry. Give him a bill for $50 a week for expenses. That is $200 a month. That will be his rent. Then the $50 can go every week for groceries (extra).. Would that make you happy. Also let him mow the yard, take out the trash do dishes and all that other stuff. It is your home too..
IF your husband cannot take your feelings in account then stop taking his into account anymore and see how he likes a dose of his own medicine..
I wish you the very best in this situation. I hope I did not come off as harsh. I really was not trying to be..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
Happy's right... hubby's the problem.
These are the only secrets a couple should have in a marriage:
1) What you get each other as gifts for holidays/special occaisions.
2) Who you've slept with prior to your relationship and/or how many others there have been.
3) If you really don't like something the other person has given you as a gift.
4) Your REAL feelings about your in-laws.
5) That you don't like one another's cooking.
There might be one or two other minor things, like how much we spend on hair color or clothes shopping, how much they spend on tools and lottery tickets, but otherwise there just shouldn't be secrets.
Your husband needs to step up, take his place at your side and the two of you need to reclaim your home, your lives, your privacy and your intimacy. If he can't or won't do this, who could blame you for leaving?
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
Anne
Fuuny that you mention line 2.. My husband and I have been talking about that.. I will not tell him anything, not that I was a slut or anything, but I agree it just causes issues. I know his number because shit I have met all of them practically. I told him finally to quit talking about it.. We were actually teasing each other about it.. I said to him so how come when you guys sleep around your the stud but the girl is a slut? He just laughed.. LOL..
Sorry just had to comment on that.. And also I think you also hit it on the head.
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..