I come back here after my BIL's memorial in Alaska, My dads memorial was today while I was flying back from BIL's  memorial, purposely held during a time when my sister and I couldnt make it. the pit. and find that I am 6th in top posters? and I get a nice private message from a very kind poster? you are the best! thank you so much.  The memorial for BIL was a fishermans one with nets and boueys and seashells and a poet/song writer man that he loved and knew and fished with traveled to perform for my sisters family and friends.  there was so many fish dishes! deep fried halibut, salmon dip in every kind from each fishermans wives, one fisherman made homeade lox for cream cheese and bagels. My sister had my name in the guest book as the first speaker, the letter I wrote her, she wanted me to read on microphone. It was packed! at the ELKS club so there was a no host bar. I drank nothing. I barely ate but put a piece of ham in my purse and later at my purse ham when I watched the slide show of BIL fishing.  He was 51 if you dont remember.  BIL dad came up to me and showed me my letter all folded up in his pocket.  I saw him showing it to people at the memorial he said it was special.  My sister said she sent it to many and it made them cry.  There was fudge and brisket and my sister said the next morning the dog got into the brisket and her MIL was pissed, and also during the memorial she tried to play a song, it was the one her MIL wanted and the volume kept going up and down. ( I told my Mom that BIL was with us and was fiddling with the knob) my sisters best friend rubed my sisters back the whole time and wispered (that was BIL!) when the music volume changed.  my sisters best friend and her brother (who is named bill-haha) had the house next to ours when we grew up so they were like siblings to us. well BILL has a pizza parlor in Alaska and me and my sis went to see him the next day and he made us help make a free pizza to take home and sat at his restraunt and we talked about old times and memories and his new wife was so wonderful and she sat with us and laughed and showed us her new babies with BILL and  then we went to moms house and ate pizza with her kids and my kids and bitched about my sucky situation about my dads memorial being held when we cant go, and my dads wifes son who I never met sent a photo of my dads grave site. and I called him and asked him how it went and if his mom is ok while I flipped off the phone because they could have waited a few days for us to finish Bil's memorial and they creamated my dad. and they put in an obit. I knew my dad for 50 years and they knew my dad for 10. he lived to 75 and he fell of the roof at night and died.  his head smashed in and his spine broke.   but you guys are the best. thanks for the support. and the guidance.  I want to hold a memorial at his gravesite with the people who knew him for the first 65 years, at a later date.  he has over 80 relatives from his daughters and his deceased brother and deceased sisters kids, and I do not know if any were invited to his memorial but I knew we were not wanted.   I am not going to do this to my stepkids.