Stop buying all the gifts for DH's family's birthdays and Christmas.  That is pop's responsibility, even if he supposedly won't or will forget, or will buy the quickest and cheapest thing he can find, or will wind up giving it to them in a brown paper bag.  There is no excuse for this, but part of the reason why SKs act like we are invisible or don't do anything for them, is because they don't see or want to see what we actually do do for them.  We just keep doing it for them (or for our DH) and then complaining.  Just stop doing it.  You don't keep putting your hand out to feed a dog that keeps nipping at you.  Let someone who doesn't get nipped do that.  And, as a possible bonus, maybe once that someone gets nipped themselves a time or two, they'll start to believe you or see what you are talking about.

On the other hand, I've never gotten a B-day or such acknowledgement from any of my SKs, despite being involved in their lives and doing things for them for years.  If I got a B-day wish even one week before my B-day, I'd probably fall over in shock!  I admit, like you, I'd probably think there was some ulterior motive, but it is what it is, and one week early is really not that far off.  Even in my own family, with distances and mail, etc., we can easily be a week off with wishes.

Just put in as much effort as she does if you aren't ready to chuck the whole pretense of a relationship.

I also tried for years and got nothing or little back, depending on SD's whimsy. The little I got back kept me trying. Eventually, that nipping or full-on biting that Mapitout mentioned made me realize SD doesn't want me in her life. My disengaging from my SD was the first thing I didn't have to force -- she fell right into it very nicely and I haven't seen her in two years.

I got a cold text on my birthday too and it seemed so ridiculous to even respond, but I wrote back, "Thanks!" and left it at that. I don't want to be accused of not replying to her grand gesture.

To me, there just comes a point where it's just too silly to pretend. It's sad, but why fight it?

Yea she was showing you she "remembered" your birthday, but not really because she got it wrong. A classic SD move. You know the kind who love to show you arent all that important, but will send bday wishes (at the wrong time) to say "see dadddeeee I sent SM bday wishes. She knows your birthday, they all do. They usually are crackling and stirring a witches brew and sending hexes to us on our birthdays. (no I am not jaded at all ).

Why should i when they ignore me and our 2 kids i had with hubby. So everytime hubby says its his son from exwifes birthday, i don’t comment or make a sound. I am empty with no response. Why should i when he doesn’t even wish happy birthday to his dad. He’d expect dad to be a courier for his junkfood on dads birthday when his lazy ass has been on the computer locked in his bedroom all day.

when its our kids birthday and stepson is home, he makes his son sit at dinner table with us to eat, he is silent the whole time.

i worry about our kids, hubby and my birthday only. If hubby suggests dinner with ss for his birthday, i avoid it like the plague and stay home with our 2 toddlers