Throw in the Towel ????
Hi All,
I have been a member for over a year now. I usually use this site while at work, to avoid my hubby seeing me on this site and feeling even more guilt for everything his ex and children have put us through. So I don't often have the time to respond, however I do take alot of comfort in what others have to say. So in advance, thanks everyone.
Now to my issue. And I will condense as best I can. I am engaged to a man with two boys,14 and 11. I have two boys 21 and 19, I had them very young :)My kids are fantastic, no issues...my relationship with their father is fine.
The problem is with my stepsons BM. She is making us miserable. She has these kids on so much meds, and has deemed them to have mental disorders that do not exist, not just your ADHD, but Tourettes syndrome, OCD, etc. Over the last 6 years, we have spent 12,000 on lawyers.Just to prevent her from changing the boys last name, from moving far away, and to vary child support. To sum up, the Parental Alienation we have suffered has been extreme, the boys have no respect for us or anyone, they make fun of both of us, to our face and behind our backs, they cry to go home whenever they are with us, and generally make us feel like they secretly hate our guts, which I am sure deep down, they do. The only call when they want something, and they never ask to visit, BM only asks us to take them when she is losing her mind.
So we have decided to take a break from seeing them, until they are sure they want to be with us. We have not seen them since Jan 2010, when we took them for a week.We are not turning our backs on them, we only want to establish a rapport with them, and leave BM out of it to prevent her toxic opinion. They are old enough to call Dad and say "can we come for a visit?".
Now the BM has served us with court papers, wanting to involve a childrens lawyer.I am not sure what she is looking for, perhaps to force us to take the children more, its very confusing. We don't even know how to respond, as we aren't looking to change anything. We are considering doing nothing, as we are tired of being dragged through all of this time after time. We are confident that we are fighting a winless battle, and we are sure that in due time, the kids will come to us when they are ready.
Has anyone ever considered taking a break from visitation? I feel like a horrible person, but I don't know what else to do.
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Comments
what are the court papers
what are the court papers she served you?
My niece and nephew have a
My niece and nephew have a court appointed childrens lawyer. This is to keep the parents out of it, and allow the kids to deal with a lawyer that the judge appoints and deems "unbias". It has worked for my sister. That way the kids don't feel obligated to side with the parent that hired the lawyer. Effective from what I have seen! They are normally pretty experienced in handling kids and their emotions.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
One of the issues is with
One of the issues is with extraordinary expenses, we have no issue paying for that, however we want the court to make the amount based on the difference in incomes, as at the time of the expenses, she was making double the amount of my husband. Expenses are from 2007, she argues that we refused to pay.....well we refused to pay her lump sums of money without the actual bills, and we wanted her to provide her income, and then we wanted it enforced with the FRO, as we don't trust her.So she waited until she was fired from her government job before she came after us for it. We still have no issue paying, to be honest, its 5,000 for orthodontic work, and its worth it if she would go away. So we are ok with that.
The freaky part is that she goes on and on in the Motion about how we refuse to see the children, and how afraid they are to call us, as we are so very mean and nasty. And how they are "special needs".She even said that the boys cry every night asking "why they aren't good enough for their father".....Then says she wants visitation enforced.....we received papers from the Office of the Childrens Lawyer,asking our side. We are tempted to just ignore it, and not be drawn into the whole drama. I would bet that the court has no clue what she is asking for. What person wants to send their children to a home that she claims they aren't welcome in?
Every town has an Elm Street
ignoring it is a terrible
ignoring it is a terrible idea. ignoring court papers neve works out in your favor.
get an atty. write up your side.
Yes I agree, ignoring court
Yes I agree, ignoring court papers would be dumb. However, this is just an application from the Chidrens Lawyers Office, asking us what our position is. Well, we don't have one, as we aren't trying to change anything. I think they will see her application, and file it under "S" for stupid. I am pretty sure you can't force visitation. What a waste of court time and money.
But you are probably right, we should at least go through the motions, so as not to do something or in this case, not do something we would regret.Just so so so tired, it makes me want to run away.
Every town has an Elm Street
Again I am impressed with
Again I am impressed with the insight on this forum. I haven't even scratched the surface, and you guys see it for what it is right away. How liberating!
Unfortunately,as far as funds go, we can't afford to pay attention....but someday....I truly believe.....we will prevail.....and we will be intact as a couple, and vindicated for our tough, though necessary decisions.
Every town has an Elm Street
In our experience the court
In our experience the court not the ex picks the children lawyer... it is call a Guardian adlidem, Then the court orders this lawyer to sit down with the kids separately and with each adult involved to try and see where the problems are coming from and what is best for the kids.. DO NOT IGNORE THE PAPERWORK.. take the paperwork you received and go to a lawyer of your own... Have him or her look over the paperwork and advise you from there..Your lawyer will be able to tell you who to see and who not to see. You don't know if this is a court ordered lawyer for the kids or her lawyer....if you do not respond with your own lawyer an order of Default can and will be issued... THAT MEANS SHE WILL WIN EVERYTHING SHE IS ASKING FOR..... In most states you can call 411 and ask for your local bar association... Call them and ask for a specialist dealing in custody and child issues...Normally you can see a lawyer for about 100.00 to get his advise on your situation...
Be very Careful or you could loose a lot more than you think...
I don't know much about
I don't know much about childrens lawyers but here are my thoughts: if this person is a lawyer appointed by the courts for the children, maybe this could work in your favor? I mean, this lawyer (assuming they are appointed by the court, NOT the bm) works with kids in this sitiation professionally. He or she should be able to spot the signs of PAS and see the whole situation for what it truly is. Also, if the bm is exaggerating her kids health situation or lying to get attention, the lawyer should be ALL over that..
I agree with the others that you should contact your own lawyer and at least see what they have to say about it all, and not to ignore the court papers, because they won't go away..
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this..
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy
My thoughts exactly!
My thoughts exactly!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~